Lord of Disasters
by MissLiss15
Summary: "It's just one drink." "I can stop anytime." "I'm just having fun." These were just a handful of excuses that he gave everyone around him. What will happen when the excuses run out, and his life walks out the door?
1. Prolouge

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black and Sukiethree for pre-reading!

A/N: I just want to put a warning/disclaimer here. In this Fanfic, Edward is an Alcoholic, I know that that could be an issue or a trigger for someone. I just want you to be forewarned.

 **Prologue**

—LD—

I stared down at the positive pregnancy test in my hands. Neither of us was ready for something like this. I didn't know how we'd gotten here. I mean, I knew _how_ we'd gotten here _._ It was that one stupid night where we both got a little too drunk at a party and decided that it was as good a time as any to take our on-again, off-again relationship to the next level. We'd fucked each other's brains out on someone's bed. Whose bed it was, exactly, we had no clue, and probably never would. Condoms and my lack of birth control were not even considered in our inebriated state.

I was twenty-four, just out of college, and had recently started interning at his mother's interior design firm. He was barely nineteen and most of the time wildly immature, but so damn beautiful to look at. In the times that he _did_ act like an adult, he was wonderful, loving, and compassionate. It was in those times that I wanted to trust him implicitly, wanted to believe the words that came out of his mouth.

He had no thoughts of college; he was lucky that he even graduated from high school. He wanted to be an entrepreneur, to dabble in _everything,_ nothing ever holding his interest for long.

I sighed, placing my hand on my still-flat stomach. Now, all the problems and issues of his that I'd ignored for so long, were mine as well. All the signs had been there for a while, but I'd turned a blind eye. We weren't _really_ a couple, even though we didn't date other people, so it never felt like it was my place to say anything. Not that he would have listened, anyway.

I didn't know how he would take the news. I didn't know if he would be drunk, or if it was one of the rare expanses of time that he was sober. There was no time like the present to find out. It wasn't as if I was going to get any _less_ pregnant as time went on.

I pulled out my phone, locating his number and pressing the call button, my heart hammering in my chest the whole time.

He answered on the third ring.

"Edward?" I said hesitantly. "We need to talk."


	2. Chapter 1

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

As always, thanks to all of my lovely ladies, MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black and Sukiethree for pre-reading!

—LD—

"Is anyone sitting here?" I heard a deep voice next to me ask.

When I turned in the direction it had came from, the sight before my eyes had me floored. He was absolutely gorgeous. He was young, maybe eighteen or nineteen at best, which had me wondering how he'd gotten into the bar in the first place. He was lean and stood at about six-two, his jaw was sharp and covered in a day's worth of stubble. His eyes were an unusual dark green, and his hair was a coppery brown and styled in a purposeful disarray.

I shook my head slightly, trying to break my stare. " _What_?" I asked in a daze.

He smirked at me. "I asked if anyone was sitting here?" He gestured to the barstool next to me.

"Oh, sorry. No, no one is sitting there."

He slid in next to me and singled to the bartender. "What are you are you drinking?"

"Rum and Coke."

When the bartender appeared in front of us, he ordered me a new drink and a beer for himself. Once we had our drinks in front of us, I eyed him carefully with one brow arched. "Are you even old enough to be here?" I asked him.

"Nope." He grinned before taking a long pull from his beer bottle.

"You're only what, eighteen?"

He glanced over to the bartender who had his eyes on us. He slipped down off his stool and reached his hand out for me to take. "You're going to get me kicked out of here. Let's go find a table."

"I would, but I'm waiting for my friends—"

"Your friends have cell phones, don't they?" he said, and I nodded. "Well, text them and tell them you're at a table with an outrageously good-looking guy."

I rolled my eyes but pulled out my phone anyway.

—LD—

"I just turned nineteen last week," he disclosed as we sat down at one of the high-top tables toward the back of the bar. It figured, he was the hottest guy to ever come up to me, and he was still a baby. "You're what, twenty-one? It's not like we're that far apart in age."

"I'm twenty-four. And you're just barely not jailbait." I smirked at him.

"Oh, come on, five years is nothing!" He said as he called over a waitress and ordered another beer. "So, tell me your name."

"No, I don't think I will, _jailbait_."

"Stop calling me jailbait," he growled, which caused a reaction in me that I didn't expect. I squeezed my thighs together. "My name is Edward. Now will you _please_ tell me yours?"

"Bella!" Alice called out as she approached our table. "Sorry I'm so late! So, who's your friend?" She eyed Edward.

"I'm _Bella's_ new friend, Edward," he said before shooting me a crooked grin.

"My new friend who was just leaving, now that my _real_ friend is here." I glared at him.

"Don't be so rude, Bella," Alice scolded me as she sat down with us. "So, what do you do, Edward?"

"He just graduated from high school." I smirked at him.

"No, that was last year."

"Edward here is _nineteen,_ Alice." I sighed.

"Oh," she said with a shrug of her shoulders. "Why does that matter? It's not like you're _that_ far apart in age."

"Yeah, why does it matter, _Bella?"_ he said, my name rolling off of his tongue in a way that should have been illegal.

I sighed heavily, feeling my resolve start to slip. I wasn't really sure _why_ it mattered to me so much. Alice was right, It wasn't as if five years made that much difference when it came to guys. They were all just as immature as the next, and maybe it was a bit shallow of me, but he really _was_ hot. "Whatever, you win, jailbait. It doesn't matter," I said with a wave of my hand.

"Great! Dance with me, then?" he asked, and I looked over at Alice.

"Go, have fun. Rose should be here soon, anyway" She smiled as I hopped down off my stool, letting him lead me onto the dance floor.

—LD—

We had been moving slowly against each other for a few moments. My arms were draped over his shoulders and his hands were pressed against my lower back, seemingly trying to get me as close as possible to him. When that didn't work for him any longer, he slipped my hands from his shoulders, flipping me around so that my back was pressed against his front. His hands rested on my hips, gripping me tightly, and I had to bite my lip to stop the moan that wanted to slip out when I could feel him hard as steel as he ground himself against me.

"Any issues with me being nineteen now?" he whispered in my ear, sending a shiver up my spine. Yet again, he pressed himself impossibly closer against me. This time, I couldn't stop the low moan that came from me.

"Do you feel what you're doing to me, baby? I've been hard since I first saw you sitting at the bar," he growled in my ear, his hands slipping up my body, dangerously close to the underside of my breasts. "God, I want you so fucking bad." He groaned.

It was then that I turned and pulled him off the dance floor, leading him to a darkly lit corner of the bar. I grabbed his face between my hands, crashing my mouth against his. I didn't know what had come over me. All throughout high school and most of college, I kept to myself. I didn't really party, and my first drink was when I turned twenty-one. It wasn't like me to be making out with a man, really a _boy,_ in the back of a bar, but I couldn't stop myself.

He nipped at my bottom lip and I opened my mouth slightly, just enough that he could slip his tongue past my lips. I moaned as his tongue swirled around mine, tasting of beer and just simply _Edward._ He gripped my hips tighter, his fingers digging into my flesh as he held me flush against him, grinding himself into me as he had earlier.

He pulled back slowly, pecking at my lips softly. "Would you want to get out of here?" His voice was husky and laced with want.

As much as I wanted to say yes, I shook my head. I was finally willing to admit to myself that I didn't want this to be the last time I saw him. I feared that if I gave in so quickly, he'd be gone the next day.

"I don't do one night stands," I told him honestly.

"Could I ask for your number, then? I want to see you again, Bella." He looked at me desperately, and I felt my heart flutter with the fact that he didn't want this to end either.

"Yeah, you can have my number," I said as I smiled at him, the last of my resolve completely disappearing.

It was the best and worst decision of my life.

—LD—

I'd given up hope that I would ever hear from him when a week went by without a call. I'd just chalked it up to a really fun night, even if I was a little disappointed. I had more important things to worry about, anyway. I was starting my internship under Esme Cullen at her interior design firm, which was like a dream come true for any inspiring interior designer. She'd opened her initial firm in Chicago almost fifteen years ago, before she decided to open up shop out in California, as well, a couple of years ago.

My jaw nearly dropped to the floor when I walked through the door on my first day, only to see Edward walk out of Esme's office with a portfolio in his hand. He was dressed in a well-tailored suit and looked almost nothing like the nineteen-year-old I'd met last week.

"Edward?" I said as my eyes flitted over his body and I drank in the sight of him.

"Bella? What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I'm starting my Internship with Esme today," I replied just as she walked out of her office.

"Isabella! It's so good to see you. Have you met my son, Edward?" She gestured toward him.

I nodded quickly and Edward turned to me. "It was good to see you, again, Bella. Mom, I'll call you soon."

He stopped beside me just before he headed out the door. "Not looking too shabby for a nineteen-year-old, eh?" he murmured quietly before smirking at my shocked expression.

Esme sighed as she watched her son leave. "He's such a smart boy with the world at his fingertips, but he can't be bothered with school, and we can't force him. Anyway, enough about that, let's get you started!" she said with a clap of her hands.


	3. Chapter 2

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black and Sukiethree for pre-reading!

—LD—

I hadn't expected my internship to be glamorous, but after a week of getting coffee, filing paperwork, and calling back clients who were at times a bit disgruntled, I was spent. So when I left on Friday, I had every intention of going home, throwing on my favorite pajamas and just doing _nothing._ That plan completely changed as I walked through my door and my cell phone started to ring in my purse.

After digging through my bag for a moment, I finally found my phone, Edward's number plastered on the screen. I quickly answered it. "Hello?"

"Hey, Bella, it's Edward."

Even if I'd tried, I wouldn't have been able to stop the smile that spread across my face. "Hey, what's up?"

"Are you busy tonight?"

"Well, I was about to just throw on my pajamas and—"

"Are you twenty-four or forty-four, Bella? I'll pick you up in a few minutes." He chuckled softly.

"Wait, do you even have my address?" I said as the line went dead. I stared down at my phone for a moment before I realized he said he'd be here in a few minutes. That didn't give me very much time to get ready.

I rushed up the stairs and into my bedroom, pulling my closet door open. I had no clue what we were doing or where we were going, which made picking an outfit difficult. I decided to go with a pair of dark wash skinny jeans and a black cropped t-shirt. I stared at myself in the mirror while I freshened up my makeup and slipped my feet into a pair of ballet flats. I had never thought I was anything special to look at. I knew I wasn't _ugly_ by any means, but I also didn't find myself beautiful. Pretty, or maybe even just average, was more how I would describe myself. I stood at about five-four, with nice curves and a slight hourglass figure. In the past couple of weeks, before I'd met Edward, I'd decided that I needed a drastic change and chopped off my hair. It used to sit almost in the middle of my back, but now it barely sat at my shoulders. I felt that it made me look less like a college kid, and more like a woman. Either way, I liked it.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when I heard the deep growl of a car pull into my driveway. I rushed down the stairs, grabbing my bag and heading out the door just as Edward was climbing out of his car. My jaw dropped at the sight of it.

"What is it _that?"_ I pointed toward his car.

"You like?" He grinned. "It's an Aston Martin Vantage, brand new, just picked it up yesterday. Come on, get in!" His face at that moment was very much that of a little boy with a new toy.

I ran my hands over the smooth leather interior. "How much does a car like this cost? Wait, never mind. Don't answer, that was rude."

"A hundred and eighty-thousand." He smirked as my eyes widened. "I may just be _nineteen,_ but I came into a trust fund at eighteen from my grandparents, and, well, let's just say that my money works for me, I don't really work for my money." He threw the car into reverse and backed out of my driveway smoothly. "You got your seatbelt on, baby?" He looked over at me and I nodded. "Good, hold on tight." He gunned it and we sped off down the road.

I shouldn't have enjoyed it as much as I did, but the speed combined with sitting beside Edward was exhilarating. "Where are we going?"

"I thought we'd go to Nobu for dinner, and then we'll just play it by ear after." He shot me a crooked grin, but there was a glint of something sinister in his eyes.

"I've never been to Nobu, but I've heard it's really good." I smiled at him, trying to push away the nervous feeling in my gut.

—LD—

"So, what is it that you even do, Edward? You're not some crazy drug lord are you?" I asked after we'd placed our order.

He laughed and leaned back in his chair. "No, I'm not a drug lord. I've made a few good investments with a bit of help. I started flipping houses recently, buying and selling cars, things like that." He shrugged.

"You know, you could go to school and get a degree in business. It sounds like something you'd be interested in."

He rolled his eyes. "You sound like my mom. Why would I go to school when I'm making money without it?"

He had a point.

"The last thing I want to do is sound like your mother." I looked up, meeting his eyes.

"Good, because I definitely have feelings for you that no one should have for their mother." He stared back at me long enough to cause the waiter to cough as he placed our dishes in front of us.

—LD—

"So, what did you have in mind, now?" I said a while later. I pushed my plate away from me, having had my fill.

He smirked at me. "You'll see when we get there." He stood up, throwing a couple of hundreds down on the table, then grabbed my hand to lead me from the restaurant.

We drove for a few minutes before pulling into a crowded parking lot and my eyes widened. "A _strip club?_ What the hell, Edward?"

"It's a Gentleman's Club, Bella."

"Which is just a nice way of saying that it's a titty bar!"

He rolled his eyes. "Have you ever been to a strip club, Bella?"

"No, have _you_?" I asked, and he arched an eyebrow at me. "Yeah, that was a stupid question."

He slipped his hand onto my thigh. "What are you so afraid of?"

"I'm not _afraid_ , I've just never—"

"Come on," he said as he slid out of the car and made his way around to my side, offering me his hand to climb out. "Try something a little naughty," he whispered in my ear, causing me to shiver. I nodded, pretty sure he could convince me to do almost anything.

—LD—

We walked up to the entrance and he pulled out a couple of bills, handing them to the bouncer who didn't even bother to ask for our ID's.

"Do you bribe your way into everywhere?" I asked as my gaze flitted around the room, taking everything in. My scrutiny eventually landed on the center stage where there was a beautiful girl sliding more gracefully down a pole than I could walk on a flat surface.

"Sometimes. Let's go get a seat." He grabbed my hand, leading me closer to the stage. For some reason, I couldn't stop staring at the girl onstage as we walked closer. He sat down and pulled me onto his lap where I could already feel him hardening beneath me. "You know, for someone who didn't even want to come in here, you seem pretty entranced."

I felt my cheeks heat. "It's just—"

"It's okay, baby, everyone likes a good pair of tits." He groaned, pressing himself up against me as his fingertips slipped under my crop top and brushed along the underside of my breasts. "Fuck, I need a drink." He signaled for a waitress and ordered two tequila shots.

I leaned back against him, grinding my ass down on him slowly. I didn't know what it was about him, but he had a way of making me lose my inhibitions for a bit. "Why did you want to bring me here, Edward?"

He threw back one of the shots and slipped his hands down to my waist. "First, I just wanted to see if you'd even _let_ me take you here. Second, I just get this feeling that there's this other woman inside of you. The one that can't take her eyes off the woman up there, one who doesn't want to hold back." He gestured toward the stage. "I also feel that you're always so careful, trying to prove yourself to everyone." He nipped at my neck.

I turned around so I was straddling his lap and watched as he downed the other shot. " _I_ get the feeling that you're _never_ careful."

"Maybe not, but I'll always be careful with you." He took my face between his hands and pressed his mouth roughly against mine.

In hindsight, I should have never believed him.


	4. Chapter 3

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

As always, thanks to all of my lovely ladies, MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black and Sukiethree for pre-reading!

— LD—

I couldn't get him out of my head.

After our first date, if you could even call it that, all of my thoughts began to surround him. The feel of his lips on my neck, his fingers grazing my stomach and the underside of my breasts. If I could have, I would have jumped him then and there.

Each time I'd seen him since then, he made me feel something that no one else had. I felt wanted, desired and, for the first time, like a sexual being. He sparked something deep inside of me.

But he also worried me. There was something in his eyes.

It was the fact that in the two months I'd known him now, I had yet to be out with him and not see him with a drink in his hand.

It was that, when I was perched on his lap and he took that first sip of alcohol, I could feel his body physically relax as if it had finally gotten what it craved.

There were times that I would see him almost every day for two weeks straight, but then he'd disappear for days doing who knows what, and almost all of my phone calls would go unanswered.

So often I wanted to walk away. I wanted to tell him that if he couldn't commit to me, if he couldn't answer my phone calls for _days_ , then I couldn't see him anymore. I couldn't reward his bad behavior.

But as headstrong and independent as I thought I was, I was weak against him. It was all still so new, and I couldn't say anything for fear that he'd shut me out.

— LD—

"Do you want to go out tonight? Maybe dinner and then we could hit a bar after? Why don't you call Alice, maybe she and Jasper would want to go, too?"

I flopped down on the couch next to Edward. "I really was hoping we could stay in tonight. Your mom has me working with a really difficult client, and I'm exhausted."

His face dropped slightly. "Yeah, that's fine. We could just order in, I guess." He stood up. "I'm going to steal one of your beers."

"Oh. Yeah, okay." What was I supposed to say?

He walked back into the room a few moments later and sat down next to me. "I hate to cut our night short, Bella, but Mike just called. His girl just broke up with him. He really needs a friend."

"Oh, I didn't hear your phone ring."

"It was on silent." His phone was almost never on silent.

"Okay, well, go help your _friend_."

"Don't be like that, you know I wouldn't go if he didn't _really_ need me. I promise I'll make it up to you." He pulled me onto his lap, placing soft kisses along my neck.

I sighed and leaned against him. "Just go, Edward, it's fine. But be careful, okay?"

"I'll call you tomorrow, baby." He placed one more kiss under my ear, causing me to shiver. Before I knew it, he'd shifted me off his lap and headed out the door.

I sat there for a moment, just staring at the wall. The quiet night that I wanted was ruined anyway, so I grabbed my phone and dialed Alice to ask if she wanted to go out.

— LD—

Somehow, I let Alice convince me that she could dress me and do my makeup.

I stared at myself in the mirror, for once liking what I saw. She'd added a bit of curl to my hair and painted my lips bright red. She gave me a light smokey eye, which seemed to pull everything together.

I squeezed myself into the tight black dress that had sat in the back of my closet for God knows how long, and slipped my feet into the sky-high heels that I hadn't even known I'd had.

"You really should have gone to school to be a makeup artist," I complimented Alice.

She rolled her eyes. "It's just a hobby, but I'll admit, you _do_ look good. Now come on, let's go out. Maybe we can get you laid."

"But, Edward—"

"Does whatever the fuck he wants, when he wants." She glared at me.

"I told you, Alice, he said his friend needed him. For now, I just have to choose to believe that. So cut the shit."

She waved me off. "Fine, let's get going," she said before she dragged me out the door.

— LD—

"1Oak, Alice? Do you know how expensive this place is? How did you even get us in here?

"Look, I just got a raise and a nice bonus at work, it's my treat tonight," she said as we moved to the front of the line, handing our ID's to the doorman before he waved us through.

My gaze dragged around the room, taking everything in as the music pounded in my ears. Normally, if we went out we hit up a dive bar or a much lower-scale club. I'd never been inside a club with bottle service.

"Just how much was this bonus?" I raised an eyebrow at her as we were seated at our table.

"It was enough that Rose and Angela are going to join us, too!" Alice was practically bouncing in her seat.

"I'm going to head to the ladies room before they get here!" I called to her over the music before slipping out of the booth in search of the restroom.

It was on my way back from the bathroom that I spotted him in a booth with a blonde perched on his lap. He wasn't my boyfriend, I knew that, but that didn't mean I wanted to see him with other women all over him. We'd never put a label on what we were, but I thought we had _something_ special. I guess that was what I deserved for falling for a nineteen-year-old kid.

I walked over to his table, glancing at the empty bottles. "Edward?" I said calmly.

" _Bella_?" He laughed as he looked up at me. His eyes were glassy and he seemed to be having trouble focusing on me. "What are you doing here?"

"I called Alice after you ditched me to apparently get drunk and grope other women."

"Always so dramatic, Bella." He rolled his eyes. "I don't even know this girl; who are you?" He glanced up at her.

"Tanya—"

"We'll get the _fuck off_ me," he snapped at her. "You're making my girl mad."

"But—"

" _Just get off of me!"_ he shoutedand she rushed off his lap and away from the table.

"I can't do this anymore, Edward. You tell me you're with Mike, and I find you here—"

"Mike _is_ here. Goddamnit, Bella!" he shouted as he stood up. "You don't believe me?"

"I don't know what to believe! Sometimes I don't hear from you for _days!_ And now I just have to wonder if this is what you're doing all the time, or _who_ you're doing!"

"I'm not doing anything wrong! None of this would have happened if you'd just gone out with me earlier! Stop being such a crazy bitch!" he shouted, grabbing my arm.

I wrenched my arm out of his grasp. "This is _my fault?_ I'm done, Edward. I'm _so_ done," I said as I stormed off in search of Alice.

"We're leaving, _now,_ Alice," I said once I reached the table.

"But Angela and Rose—"

"Would you fucking wait, Bella?" Edward yelled, stumbling up behind me.

"Leave me the fuck alone, Edward!" I grabbed my purse and threw a pleading look at Alice.

"Come on, Bella, let's go," Alice said calmly, taking my arm and leading me away.

"Bella! _Please!"_ I heard him call after me. I waited until we were outside before bursting into tears.

— LD—

"What the hell just happened in there, Bella?" Alice demanded as we climbed into her car.

"You were right about him; he does whatever the fuck he wants without any regard to anyone else. He told me he was with his friend, but then I find him at a club with some random girl on his lap." Frustrated and angry, I swiped at the tears running down my face.

"You can't keep letting him do this to you, Bella. You've only known him a short time, and look at what he's doing to you. I've never seen you like this and it scares me for you."

I stared out the window watching the buildings go by. I knew she was right; I couldn't let him keep doing this to me. Even though I was hurt and so fucking angry, my heart broke thinking about never seeing him again. I wasn't sure I was strong enough to stay away from him.


	5. Chapter 4

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

As always, thanks to all of my lovely ladies, MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black and Sukiethree for pre-reading!

EPOV

— LD—

I took a sip of my beer, following it with a drag of my cigarette. I was finally emerging back into the land of the living after a few days of partying with Mike.

And all I could think about right now was Bella.

She was turning my world upside down, and I didn't know how to feel about it. When I walked up to her at that bar a few months ago, I just wanted a pretty face in my bed. I didn't expect all of these _feelings_ to erupt.

And _Jesus Christ_ , watching her in that strip club? The sexual tension was so thick I could almost feel it rolling off of her body. All I wanted was to get drunk, drag her home, and bury myself inside her until the sun came up.

But I couldn't. I knew she wasn't that type of girl. She was a flirt, and she made my dick harder than steel, but she didn't just give it away to anyone. And the scary part? I didn't want her to. I liked the way the chase felt. I liked knowing that when she finally gave it away, I'd make her fucking see stars.

But that wasn't going to happen, now. I'd fucked everything up beyond repair. She didn't want to see me again.

The shrill sound of my cell phone pulled me out of my thoughts. I prayed that it was Bella calling, hoping that she'd finally hear me out. Then I could explain that Mike was depressed and had wanted to get out and have a few drinks, and shit just happened.

I groaned as I glanced at the screen; Carlisle. It was always Carlisle after Mom failed to get in contact with me when I sometimes fell off the face of the earth.

"Hello, Carlisle."

"Your mother has been trying to contact you for three days, Edward." It seemed that we were skipping pleasantries.

I rolled my eyes. "Well, now you can tell her that I'm fine and that I'll call her later."

He sighed heavily. "She worries about you, Edward."

"Tell her that I met someone, that's why I haven't been around." It was at least partly the truth.

"You've met someone? Was it Jim, Jack, or Josè this time?"

"Tell Mom I love her. You, though, can go to fucking hell," I growled as I ended the call.

So I liked to drink. I was young and it was my right to do stupid shit. I'd stop when I was older. Besides, I was making good money and holding my own, so what was the problem with getting a little crazy from time to time?

Bella wasn't speaking to me, _that_ was the problem.

I quickly downed the rest of my beer and picked up my phone to called Mike. I needed to get the fuck out of my head.

— LD—

The next thing I knew, I was trying to force my eyes open and my head was pounding. I squinted and looked around; this was _not_ my room.

I threw the covers back to climb out of the bed, but when I did, the site before me took my breath away.

Bella was in bed next to me, _naked_.

That was when everything came rushing back to me.

I'd called Mike, saying that I needed to go out. We'd ended up at some ridiculous house party in The Hills, and we'd run into Bella and her friends, Alice and Rose. What they were doing there, I wasn't sure. Mike ended up following Rose around for the rest of the night, even after she told him she was with someone. Alice went off with her boyfriend, Jasper, which was fine by me. It gave me a chance to corner Bella so that she'd finally hear me out.

One drink led to another, and suddenly Bella was sobbing in my arms and I was encouraging her to drink more—it always helped _me_ —even when she wanted to quit, and I was drinking more right along with her. It was foggy from there on out, but judging by the state we were in, I imagined we'd had sex. _Fuck._ I didn't even know whose bed this was. Was it Bella's?

I'd finally had sex with Bella, and I couldn't even remember it. Did we use a condom? Was she on anything? _Fuck_! Was she clean?

I jumped out of bed and hurried into what I hoped was the bathroom to take a piss, my mind still racing a thousand miles a minute.

When I finally walked out of the bathroom, Bella had covered herself back up, and her eyes were barely half open. "Fuck. I think I'm dead." She groaned, and I chuckled at her dramatics. Her eyes widened when she saw me. " _Edward_?"

"You were expecting someone else?"

"Yes, I mean, no, I wasn't expecting _anyone._ I thought I was at home," she said, glancing around the room. "And I see now that I'm not. Oh, shit, did we…?"

"From our lack of clothing, I'm going to go ahead and say yes."

"Please tell me you used a condom!" She sounded panicked.

"I've been trying to figure that out, myself." I shrugged. "I don't even know if we for sure slept together. I think I blacked out."

"Shit, I have to get out of here, I've never—"

"Oh, fuck, you've never had sex? You were a _virgin?"_ I blurted out. I'd feel like a complete tool if I had taken that from her and she couldn't even remember it!

"No! But I've only slept with one other guy, and I've never had a one night stand."

"Why does it have to be just the one night?" I said, causing her to glare at me. "What? What did I say?"

"I'm not just going to be some booty call, or friends with benefits, or whatever you want to fucking call it!" she hissed, getting up to search the room for her clothes.

"That's not what I meant! I want to see you, to be with you," I told her as she stormed out of the room fully dressed. I quickly followed after her, while pulling on my own clothes.

She rolled her eyes at me. "I need to call Emmett and get to the pharmacy."

"Who the fuck is Emmett?" I said through clenched teeth.

"Emmett is my _brother,_ this was a party of a friend of his. Not that it's any concern of yours!" she shouted. "I need to get emergency birth control, I'm not taking anything." She quickly pulled out her phone.

" _Fuck_." I groaned.

"Yeah. _Fuck_ ," she said as she ran down the stairs.

"Bella!" I called after her, and breathed a sigh of relief when she turned around. "Please, can we talk later?"

She shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes. "I'm not ready for that, Edward. Last night should have _never_ happened." And with that, she walked out the door, letting it slam shut behind her.

I slumped down on the stairs and pulled out my phone. I had no choice but to eat crow as I called Carlisle to come pick me up from... wherever this was.

— LD—

"You know, your father used to drink," Carlisle said after we'd been sitting in silence for a while.

"You don't know shit about my father, Carlisle."

"I know enough. I know what your mother has told me. You're old enough—"

"Just _stop!"_ I shouted. "I'm _not_ my father. I'm just having fun. I'll stop when I'm ready to." I knew more about my father and my mother than I was willing to admit, anyway.

He pulled up to my house. "You keep telling yourself that, Edward. Call your mother later, please, she's been worried sick."

"I don't know what you think gives you the right to lecture me. _You're not my father_ ," I said coolly. The look of hurt that crossed his face almost made me regret it.

"Maybe I'm not, but I love your mother, and I've known you since you were eleven. I don't want to see you fall down a path that you can't get away from. It would kill Esme to watch it happen to someone she loves, _again_."

With that being said, I climbed out of the car, slamming the door behind me. I _wasn't_ like my father. I could stop drinking tomorrow, if I wanted to.


	6. Chapter 5

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black and Sukiethree for pre-reading!

— LD—

The car was silent as we drove home. I could tell that Emmett wanted to lay into me by the way his jaw was tensed and his normal, happy disposition was nowhere to be found.

Once we stopped in my driveway I leaned my head back against the headrest. "Just say what you want to say, Emmett."

I could almost hear his teeth grinding together before he looked over at me; his blue eyes were ice cold. "How could you be so stupid? You're twenty-four years old and you're running around getting wasted and sleeping with God knows who! Not using protection? _Fuck_ , Bella!" His knuckles turned white around the steering wheel.

My head was pounding and my stomach was still churning as tears formed behind my eyelids. "Like you've always done everything by the book, Emmett. I get it. You're perfect and you and Rose are going to have a perfect life. I thought you wouldn't judge me, especially after everything you did in college."

I watched as his face softened slightly. "I'm not perfect, Bells, it's just—"

"It's fine, Emmett." I climbed out of the car. "I'll talk to you later." I slammed the door shut.

— LD—

I pulled the little Plan B box out of my purse and turned it over in my hands, reading the instructions quickly.

I popped the pill into my mouth, followed by a few gulps of water. I went about making myself some breakfast in hopes that it would calm the storm that was raging in my stomach.

I sat down on my couch about twenty minutes later, pushing around the eggs and bacon I'd made after having only taken a few bites. My stomach sorely disagreed that it needed sustenance right then, and I covered my mouth and ran for the bathroom, vomiting everything from the night before back up.

I stood up, washed my face quickly and brushed my teeth. Sleep. That was what I needed.

When I woke up a few hours later, I definitely felt better, aside from a dull headache. It was nothing that a few Advil wouldn't help.

I glanced at my phone, noticing that I had a few text messages from Alice and Rose, both checking to see if I was all right. Rose was also asking what happened between me and Emmett. I'd worry about those later.

The final text message I saw was from Edward.

" _Please Bella, I need to know you're okay,"_ it read.

I sighed and text back, _"I'm fine."_

His reply was quick. " _Can I call you? Can we talk?"_

I stared at my phone for a moment before closing my eyes. I knew he wasn't good for me, but in the time I had gotten to know him, I really enjoyed being around him; at least, up until a few days ago. He was funny, caring and sweet, with just a little bit of cocky thrown in. And, God, was he a good kisser, but I wasn't sure that was enough for me to risk my heart.

" _I'm still not ready for that,"_ I replied, and was thankful when he didn't text back right away. It would just continue to get harder for me to deny him.

I hadn't expected to see him last night, and I _really_ hadn't expected to end up in bed with him.

Things were still foggy, but as the day went on, more of the night came back to me.

I remembered him holding me in his arms while I cried, and him whispering words of apology in my ear while we got progressively more drunk.

I could still feel his lips on my neck, sucking and nipping at my skin, and his hands trailing up my body, his fingers skimming the sides of my breasts.

The last thing I could remember clearly was him groaning in my ear that he needed me, that he wanted to be inside me. We'd stumbled up the stairs together in search of a more private location. From that point on, it got increasingly more fuzzy. I didn't know if I'd passed out or blacked out. I still didn't know if we'd actually gotten as far as having sex or not. It definitely wasn't how I'd envisioned my first time with him.

My heart broke a little more when I looked at my phone. I had no new text messages from him. I knew that it was a smart choice to keep him at a distance, but that wasn't to say it was easy.

"Emmett really wishes you'd talk to him, Bella." Rose sighed through the phone.

"Yeah, well, he was really quick to pass judgment on me, Rose. He has no right, not when he got Kate pregnant in college."

"He just doesn't want to see you end up in the same situation that he was in; a single parent having to put their dreams on hold."

"It's a little different for me, Rose. I'm twenty-four, I've finished college, and I'm interning with a really great company. I basically have everything together."

"And just how much would a baby derail all of that, Bella?" I hated when she was right.

"I get it, Rose, it would be hard. He didn't have to be an asshole, though. I took care of it."

"You're right about that, he didn't have to be an asshole. Would you just talk to him?" she huffed.

"Fine. Put him on."

"Bella? _Please_ don't hate me," my brother begged through the phone.

"I don't hate you, Emmett. I just didn't appreciate how you spoke to me. I'm an adult, you know?" I sighed.

"You're right. I was just worried, and it came out wrong. Rose told me you know the guy you decided to knock boots with?"

"Emmett!" I laughed. "Who says 'knock boots' anymore?"

"Me. Either way, she didn't have great things to say about him. Do I need to run a background check?"

"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it, _Dad?"_ I teased. "You don't need to run a background check. I don't know if I'll be seeing him again, anyway."

"After all these years, I'm starting to think Dad is on to something. I don't know what I'm going to do when Vicky starts dating."

"You'll scare away all potential boyfriends until she's old enough to move three hundred miles away for school and make a life for herself. Good night!" I laughed as I hung up the phone.

— LD—

Six in the morning rolled around way too quickly. I tossed and turned all night. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get Edward out of my head.

I groaned loudly when I pulled into the parking lot at work. There, in one of the spaces, was a familiar Aston Martin. I climbed out of my car and headed into the building. I prayed that I could hurry and get to work and that maybe he wouldn't see me. But, of course, that wasn't my luck.

Esme approached me as soon as I walked through the door. "Bella! I'm so glad you're here. I need to talk to you quickly; come have a seat in my office."

"Is something wrong?" I took a seat, glancing over at Edward, whose eyes were locked on me.

"Everything is fine, Bella. In fact, your work is amazing." She smiled. "That being said, Edward has just finished flipping a house and is in need of a designer. Normally, he works with Carmen, but she's out on maternity leave. So, I want _you_ to be the lead on this one. I hope you understand what this means. Most interns couldn't dream of an opportunity like this, but I feel that you've earned it."

"Oh, but what about the—"

"I've already put Riley on the Smith project. So, you're freed up to take this on. Good luck, and have fun." She grinned at us.

I'd imagined being the senior designer on so many different occasions, but I'd never pictured it like this. I stood at the same time as Edward and headed out of Esme's office.

I spun on him. "You couldn't just leave it alone, could you?"

"Bella, I didn't know how else—"

"You could have given me time!" I paused, and then took a deep breath, remembering I was at work. "This is just going to be a project for me, do you understand, Edward? We'll be working together to decorate a house, nothing more."

He nodded. "Sure, okay. Do you want to take a ride out to the house together so you can take a look around?"

"Give me the address, and I'll meet you there at ten-thirty."

He agreed on the time and wrote down the address. It would give me at least an hour to pull myself together.

I didn't know if I was going to come out of this unscathed.


	7. Chapter 6

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black and Sukiethree for pre-reading!

—LD—

The house was extravagant, but I wasn't really surprised. It _was_ Edward, after all.

I climbed out of my car as he pulled into the driveway. "It's a beautiful house, and the neighborhood is gorgeous," I complimented.

"Isn't it? A friend of mine found this, but he didn't have the time to devote to it so he made me an offer. Come on, I'll show you around."

—LD—

"These picture windows are beautiful; there's so much we could do with them," I said as I jotted down a few ideas on my iPhone.

"Not as beautiful as you look in front of them."

I turned around, raising an eyebrow in his direction. "We're here to work. Besides, that was _terrible_ , Edward."

"Maybe." He shrugged. "But it's true. Can we just talk for a moment?"

I closed my eyes tightly. "Are you going to let me work if I give in to you?"

"Yes, I promise. I'll even hand over the keys, sign the checks, and just leave you to it."

"You have five minutes," I said as I checked the time on my phone.

"That girl the other night meant nothing. Mike ran off with her friend and—"

"And you felt the need to have her keep your lap warm?" I glared at him.

"I don't even remember how she got there!" he shouted in frustration.

"That just leaves more questions, Edward," I said calmly.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "You're just so much better than me, aren't you? You can't even remember if you slept with me."

"Nice." I threw my phone in my purse and headed toward the door. "I should get back to the office."

"Bella, _please!"_ he called out. "I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry. None of it will ever happen again."

"You seriously expect me to believe that?"

He took a step toward me, taking my hand in his. "I promise, I'll try harder." I knew I shouldn't believe anything that was coming out of his mouth, but I was weak when it came to him. "Let me take you to lunch."

"Fine, I can do lunch." I sighed, knowing I was probably making a huge mistake, but the smile that I was met with was blinding.

—LD—

"Are you crazy, Bella? Why do you keep doing this to yourself?" Alice said as she sat down beside me. I had just gotten done telling her about our lunch date.

I shrugged. "He's not a bad guy, Alice. He's young and kind of immature, but there are times when I forget all of that."

She smirked. "Like when he's in between your legs?"

" _Alice!_ I can't even remember if we got that far, anyway." I threw my head back on the couch.

"This is just all so unlike you. You normally make all the right decisions and weigh everything out carefully."

"I know. There's just something about him that brings out this other side in me, someone who doesn't want to be so careful all the time."

She turned toward me, her eyes full of concern. "And that's what scares me for you, Bella. I just don't want to see you mixed up in something you'll regret later."

"Let me handle that, okay?" Between her and Emmett, I was going to go crazy.

—LD—

No sooner than I shut the door behind Alice did my cell phone ring, Edward's picture and number popping up on the screen.

"Hello?"

"Hey, doll, are you busy tonight?"

A smile spread across my face. "I'm not; what did you have in mind?"

"Do you want to come by my place? I could cook us dinner."

"Since when do you know how to cook?" I teased.

" _Hey!_ I can make a mean grilled cheese, and my spaghetti isn't too shabby." He laughed.

"What time were you thinking?"

"Does five-thirty work for you?"

That gave me just enough time to shower, shave, and pack a bag to keep in my car, just in case. "Yeah, five-thirty is great."

—LD—

I pulled up in front of his house just before five-thirty.

His house wasn't as large as I expected it to be, considering that everything Edward did was over the top, but it was still striking.

It sat back on the property with a long driveway leading up to it. It had a very Spanish feel to it, painted a dark clay color with a terracotta roof. Connected to the side was a two-car garage where he kept his Aston Martin and his Mercedes-Benz convertible. I had a feeling that he went for a smaller house in order to have more money to spend on toys.

I climbed up the stairs of his porch as the front door swung open. "What are you doing outside? Come in." He smiled.

I walked past him into the house. The dining room was immediately to my right. I turned to him and raised an eyebrow. "You didn't cook this." I laughed.

"Why do you say that?" He smirked, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Because you don't know how to make sushi. And this looks a lot like sushi from Sugarfish." I laughed, unwrapping his arms from around me.

We sat down at the table. "Well, you got me there. Do you want something to drink?"

I looked up, meeting his eyes. "Whatever you're having." I shrugged.

"I have iced tea, water, or Diet Coke, then."

I stared at him for a moment. I wanted to say something, to ask what was going on, but I didn't want to insult him or have him waiver in his decision. "I'll just have an iced tea."

Maybe he really _was_ trying.

—LD—

We sat down on the couch, full from dinner. He reached over, lacing his fingers with mine. "I've missed this. I've missed _you."_

"You made that decision, not me, Edward." I sighed.

He ran his other hand over his face. "I know, and I'm sorry. I'm trying, Bella. I haven't had a drink since that party. I think I need to grow up a little."

I turned my body toward him. "You're _nineteen_ ,Edward. Sometimes I think you need to grow _down._ Most nineteen-year-olds wouldn't dream of living in their own house or, better yet, owning an _Aston Martin_. When I was nineteen I was just hoping to make it through my first year of college."

"I had to grow up fast." His voice was barely above a whisper.

"Why?" I moved in closer to him.

He shook his head. "My dad is kind of an asshole. I don't really want to talk about it right now, though." He pulled me onto his lap so that I was straddling him. "I don't want to waste time on him when I have you here." He was good at distracting me and changing the subject.

He cupped my face, bringing my lips down to his and devouring my mouth. He ran his tongue along the length of my bottom lip. I parted my lips a bit and he slipped his tongue in my mouth, tangling his with mine.

I ground myself down on his lap, moaning when he pushed up against me. He pulled back slightly, staring up at me. "Do you want to stay over?"

I hesitated for a moment. "I don't know..."

His lips trailed down my neck, sucking softly at the skin on my collar bone. "I want you, Bella. I want you to remember me inside of you this time. I want to fill you, feel you come on my cock," he whispered in my ear.

"I have a bag in my car."

His voice was husky and his eyes full of lust. "You won't need it for what I have planned." He slipped me off his lap, standing and grabbing my hand to pull me up, leading me to his bedroom.

He ran his hands down my arms to my waist and the hem of my shirt, his fingers curling under it. He glanced up at me and I nodded. "Lift your arms, baby." I did as he asked and he slipped my shirt from my body.

His eyes roamed from my face down to my lace-covered breasts. I reached behind me and unclasped my bra, letting it fall to the floor. "Fucking amazing," he growled, reaching out and cupping my breasts in his hands, his thumbs stroking my hardened nipples slowly. I moaned softly, closing my eyes. I felt his hands suddenly drift lower, popping the button on my jeans.

"Can I see all of you?" he asked and I nodded, helping him to peel my jeans from my body.

"No panties, Bella?" He slid his hands around my waist, gripping my ass in his hands.

I smirked. "Panty lines."

"Are you sure you just weren't hoping you wouldn't need them tonight?" He nipped at my earlobe, causing me to shiver. "Get on my bed," he said as he slapped me on the ass, and I moaned. I felt my cheeks heat as his eyes lit up. "Who knew you liked a little spanking?"

I watched as he quickly rid himself of his own clothes. "There's a lot of things I didn't know I liked until I met you."

"Oh? Like what?" He climbed onto the bed beside me, and I couldn't take my eyes off his hard cock.

"Strip clubs for one, and nineteen-year-old boys for another."

He smirked at me, sitting up on his knees. "I'm far from a boy, Bella." He wrapped his hand around his cock, pumping it slowly. I moaned, watching him. He was right, he was far from a boy at that moment.

I slipped my own hand down my body, my eyes never leaving the sight of his hand stroking his cock. I slipped my fingers through my wet folds, circling my clit slowly.

"Keep touching yourself, baby. I want to watch you come." He groaned and I cried out as he slipped two fingers inside of my pussy, pumping them in and out of me slowly, his hand still never leaving his dick. It wasn't long before my breath was coming in quick gasps and I was calling out his name as my pussy clamped down around his fingers.

"That was the hottest fucking thing I've ever seen." He brought his fingers to his lips, a deep moan coming from his throat as he sucked my juices off of them. That was the hottest thing _I_ had ever seen.

He reached across the bed to the nightstand, opening up the draw and pulling out a condom. I grabbed it out of his hand, tearing it open. "Let me?"

He leaned down, kissing me roughly. "Go for it." He sat back, watching as I slid the condom down his shaft. He lined himself up with my entrance before sliding inside of me. "Oh, _fuck_ , you're so tight," he breathed out before he began to slowly pump in and out.

"Faster, _please,_ Edward," I begged.

"You want it faster, baby? You want it a little rough?" He groaned, wrapping my legs around his waist and pounding into me harder and faster.

"Oh, shit, just like that Edward." I cried out, reaching down to touch myself, and he swatted my hand away.

" _I'm_ going to make you come this time," he growled, bringing my legs up higher and changing the angle, hitting the perfect spot inside of me.

"Oh, my God, don't stop, I'm right there, _Edward_!" I moaned his name, my pussy clenching and releasing around his cock.

"Oh, _fuck,_ Bella," His thrusts became erratic before he stilled inside of me, finding his own release. "Try and forget _this_ time _,_ baby." He smirked before leaning down to kiss me.


	8. Chapter 7

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black and Sukiethree for pre-reading!

 **A/N: This is a pretty short chapter, so you'll be getting chapter 8 today, too!**

— LD—

"I was thinking we'd do an oversized couch over there, and I think that a mirror on that wall will definitely make the room seem a bit more open." I looked over at Edward, noticing that everything I was saying was falling on deaf ears. "Hey, is everything okay?"

"Huh? Sorry, I'm a bit distracted." He pulled out his phone, scrolling through it quickly. "I've got to go out of town for a few days."

"Oh, when are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow morning. A friend of mine is hosting a party and he asked me to come out."

"So you'll be in Chicago, then?"

"What's with the twenty questions, Bella? _Yes_ , I'll be in Chicago," he snapped.

The last few weeks, things had been going so well between us. I even thought maybe we were headed into starting an actual relationship and moving forward, instead of this in-between crap where I had no clue where I stood with him.

He'd been answering almost all of my calls and the ones that went unanswered, he'd always shoot me a text. We normally had dinner a few times a week together at his place or mine, and it seemed like we were in a really good spot. Now, I wasn't so sure. "Okay, well, we're done here for now, anyway. I'll see you when you get back, I guess."

"Oh, _please_ ,Bella. Cut the shit. Look, I'm sorry I snapped. I've got something on my mind."

"Yeah, you really sound sorry to me." I gathered up my things and headed toward the door.

"Go on and run off, just like you always do when something doesn't go how you want," he yelled behind me, and I whipped around.

"You think this is me running off? _No,_ this is me deciding to not let you treat me like crap just because you're in a mood. Call me when you get back."

"My dad wants to see me while I'm in Chicago."

And with that, all of the air rushed out of my lungs. "Are you going to see him?" I took a step toward him.

"There's nothing I want to hear from him, so no. I need to get home and pack. I'll call you." This time it was him walking out on me.

— LD—

He didn't call before he left; he didn't even send a text. I had no clue if he'd gotten there, or when he'd even be back. I thought that we'd gotten past all of this, but apparently, I was wrong.

On top of it, I'd come down with a terrible stomach bug. For the last few days I'd be starving, and then out of nowhere, I'd be hit with a sudden wave of nausea. I'd puke everything I'd just eaten back up and I'd be right back to where I started, almost as if nothing happened. It was a vicious cycle.

"Bella, don't kill me for asking you this, but could you be pregnant?" Thankfully, Rose knew to ask quietly. The last thing I needed was for Emmett to overhear her saying that.

I shook my head. "We always use protection, Rose. I don't see how I could be."

"When was your last period?"

At that, I blanched. "It should have been two weeks ago. I mean, I took that emergency birth control. That could fuck with it, couldn't it?"

Rose shrugged. "It probably could, but I'd take a test just to be safe, though."

I nodded. "Yeah, okay. I'll pick one up on the way home. What am I going to do if I am?"

Rose pulled me in for a hug. "Don't worry, we'll figure it out."

 _Don't worry_ was easier said than done.

— LD—

I stared down at the positive pregnancy test in my hands, trying to figure out how this had happened.

I mean, I _knew_ how it happened. The only time that we'd had unprotected sex was the night of the party, but I had taken—

I was an idiot. The morning after the party came rushing back to me; taking the pill, trying to eat breakfast, only to puke everything back up. _Including_ the pill. I hadn't even given it a chance to work!

It had been almost a week since I'd heard from Edward. I didn't know if he was back yet, hell, I didn't even know if he had just decided that we were done all on his own and never wanted to hear from me again. Except that I had inadvertently tied us to each other for the rest of our lives.

Now every issue that he had, instead of just being concerned for him, they were now my issues, too.

They were also my unborn child's issues. I placed my hand on my still flat stomach. I had no clue how he'd take the news. I didn't know if he'd be drunk, or if he was still committed to being sober. He wasn't in a good place the last time I saw him, but I couldn't keep this from him. It wasn't as if I was going to get any less pregnant as time went on.

I pulled out my phone, pulling his number up and pressing the call button.

He answered on the third ring.

"Edward?" I said hesitantly. "We need to talk."

— LD—

He stared down at the test just as I had a few hours ago. "You're sure?"

I nodded. "These tests are pretty accurate. I can take another if you'd like."

"You're sure it's even mine?"

"Are you serious? I can't fucking believe you'd ask me that!" I felt angry tears start to run down my cheeks. I didn't know what I'd expected from him, but not this.

He shrugged. "I don't know what you do when I'm not around."

"Yeah? Well, I know what _you_ do when I'm not around!" I yelled. "Girls you don't know on your lap, strip clubs, drinking yourself into oblivion. Any of it sound familiar?"

"I thought we'd gotten past all of that, and here you are throwing it in my face."

"You just asked me if the baby I'm carrying is yours or not!"

It was then that I saw the nineteen-year-old boy in his face as tears of his own started to well up in his eyes. He was scared. "I don't know how to be a father," he choked out as he dropped down on the couch.

"I don't know how to be a mom, Edward," I said, taking the seat next to him and wrapping an arm around his shoulder, letting his harsh words from earlier go for the moment.

"I'm sorry I said all of that earlier. I need to... I need to get out of here. I need to clear my head." He stood from the couch. "I'll call you tomorrow, I promise."

I truly hoped that he would make a wise decision, but I had my doubts.


	9. Chapter 8

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black and Sukiethree for pre-reading!

— LD—

It was around two in the morning that I was woken up by someone pounding on my door. I grabbed the can of pepper spray that my dad insisted I keep and made my way down the stairs.

I looked through the peephole and sighed when I saw Edward on my porch. He was visibly drunk, swaying on his feet. Against my better judgment, I pulled the door open.

" _Bella,_ you're _pregnant_ ,"he said as he stumbled past me into the house.

"Sure, come on in, Edward," I muttered under my breath.

"You're pregnant and it's _mine_."

" _Yes,_ we covered this earlier today."

"I'm _nineteen,_ for fuck's sake! I can't be someone's dad!" he shouted, and I jumped a little. His drunken state had never bothered me before, but I'd also never been alone and pregnant with him when he was like this, either.

Suddenly, I thought of how our life would be when I actually _had_ the baby. If he didn't straighten out, did I really want this for the rest of my life? I couldn't stand the thought of never knowing which Edward would be present when our child was around.

"I need you to lower your voice, Edward, okay?" I said carefully, not wanting to set him off.

"Bella, I drink too much," he said quietly; it seemed his mood was all over the place right now. "My dad drank too much, too, Bella. He used to hit my mom, did you know that? I was supposed to be asleep, but I heard him and I heard her and here I am, drinking too much and about to be someone's dad."

"You don't have to be like your dad, Edward. You could get help for it now, take care of it before it _really_ gets out of control," I said, but when I looked at him, he was slumped over, passed out on my couch. I sighed as I lifted his feet, removing his shoes. I threw a blanket over him before switching off the lights and headed back up the stairs, hoping I could get a few more hours of sleep. After I'd had that bomb dropped on me, I doubted it would happen.

It was six in the morning when my alarm went off, and I could smell coffee brewing. I climbed out of bed and headed toward the kitchen.

"I didn't expect you to be up so early after last night."

"Oh, hey. I didn't hear you come down." He offered me a cup of coffee, and I shook my head.

"Caffeine's not good for the…" I trailed off.

"You can say _baby_. I'm not going to freak out, Bella." He glared at me.

"Then what was last night about?"

" _That_ was me freaking out." He gave a mirthless laugh.

"Do you remember telling me—"

"That my dad was a drunk and he used to beat my mom and that I'm no better than he is? Yeah. I remember it."

"Edward—"

"Save it, Bella. I really don't need to hear that I'm not like him. I _am_ him."

"I was _going_ to say that you could get help. You could go to AA, you could try to do _something_ about it. We need you sober, that is, if you want us." I placed my hand over my stomach.

He stared at me for a moment before dropping down into one of the chairs at the kitchen table. "You think I could do it?"

"That's completely up to you, Edward. You have to want to do it."

"God, I can't believe you're pregnant." He sighed. "What are we going to tell everyone? _Fuck_ ,what are we going to tell my mom?"

My eyes widened at the thought as I covered my mouth and ran for the bathroom, heaving into the toilet. I had no clue what I was going to tell Esme, and even worse, my parents and Emmett.

Edward knocked on the bathroom door. "Are you okay?"

"Just go away, you don't need to see this," I called back, but the bathroom door opened anyway.

I wiped the tears from my eyes as he sat down on the floor next to me. "I'm sorry I've been so fucked up about this whole thing, that I didn't even stop to think how this is going to affect you."

"It's fine—"

"It's _not_ fine," he interrupted me, pulling me onto his lap and wrapping his arms around my waist. "I know I've said it before, but I'm going to try harder." I leaned back against him and he kissed the top of my head. "Call in sick, let me try and take care of you today."

"I really should—"

"I woke you up at two in the morning. Call in sick, go back to bed, and I'll have breakfast ready when you wake up." This was one of those times where he seemed so beyond nineteen. I could tell that Esme had tried her best to raise a good person, that he _was_ a good person, but was dealt a shitty hand.

I nodded and he moved to kiss me, but I pulled back. "Let me at least brush my teeth first."

— LD—

It was a few hours later that I once again made my way down the stairs and into the kitchen, finding Edward in front of the stove. "You look good there, cooking for me."

"Oh, hey, you're up. I was just going to finish this and bring it up to you. How are you feeling?"

"Less tired. Still scared as fuck, though. I don't know what I'm going to tell my parents or my brother. Everyone expects so much from me," I said as he placed a plate of eggs and toast in front of me.

"I wish I knew what to say, but I'm scared, too. I, uh, I did look up a meeting while you were asleep."

I glanced up at him, trying to keep the shock off of my face. "You did? That's really good."

"Yeah, I think I might check it out. I'm not sure yet."

"Okay."

He finally looked up at me, meeting my eyes. "Just _okay_?"

"I can't make any decisions for you, Edward; you have to be ready." I reached over, taking his hand in mine. "If you decide to go, I'll go with you if you want me to."

He nodded and then the subject was dropped.

— LD—

"Hey, Rose, are you with Emmett?" I figured she deserved to be the first person to know since she basically already did.

"No, I'm at my own place tonight. Is everything okay?"

"Well, you were right."

"Fuck. I usually love to hear those words. Are you all right? Did you tell Edward?"

I laughed quietly. "Yeah, I told him. It was... an experience." I refused to tell her the whole conversation that Edward and I had, especially where it concerned him going to AA. It was way too personal. But I let her in on a few of the details of what happened.

"Wow. That could have gone... better." She pushed out a rough breath. "I'd kick his ass if he wasn't your baby daddy."

I groaned loudly. "Do not call him that, I _hate_ when people say that. And I better _never_ hear you call me preggo! I'm having a baby, not marinara sauce."

She laughed. "Yes, Mommy, I hear you loud and clear."

 _Mommy._ I was going to be someone's mommy. I was still scared out of my mind, but for the first time since I found out, I almost felt like it was going to be okay.

"Alice is going to lose her shit, you know?"

"I'm more concerned about Emmett. Even more so than my parents. My mom is pretty relaxed, she'll be happy, so my dad will follow suit eventually—"

"But Emmett will just see it as you repeating his mistakes." She sighed. "Do you want me to talk to him first?"

"No, I need to try to do it myself. But not for a few more weeks."

"I'm here if you need me, you know that, right?"

I loved Alice, and I loved Emmett, and I hoped that I'd eventually be able to count on Edward, but I knew that Rose would have my back no matter what.

I just hoped I never needed her to.


	10. Chapter 9

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black and Sukiethree for pre-reading!

—LD—

I wasn't sure what I expected after the conversation we'd had about AA in my kitchen, but it sure as hell hadn't been to not hear from him at all for weeks. But, like I told him, he had to be the one who was ready. I couldn't decide for him whether he was or not. The only decision that I could make was that I was having this baby, with or without him. I didn't call him except for one time to leave him a message to let him know when and where I'd scheduled a doctor's appointment. It was up to him if he wanted to come or not.

He hadn't even been meeting me at the house to check on how everything was going, so I highly doubted that he'd be showing up.

—LD—

"Thanks for coming with me, Rose." I looked over at my friend. Besides Edward, she was the only one who knew I was pregnant. "I feel like crap that you had to lie to Emmett, though."

She shrugged me off. "I'm not lying to him. It's not my fault that he's been known to overreact when it comes to you, and the last thing you need right now is _more stress_."

There was a knock at the door before the doctor walked in. "Hello, Ms. Swan, I'm Doctor Carmen Denali." She held out her hand for me to shake. "Tell me a bit about why you're here today."

"Oh, well, I took a pregnancy test at home and it was positive."

"Did you give a urine sample when you came in?" she asked, and I nodded.

"Great, let me just go check with the nurse and we'll have a definite answer for you." She smiled warmly before leaving the room.

"Are you okay?" Rose said quietly.

"I already know the results so, yeah, I'm okay."

There was another quick knock at the door before Dr. Denali came back in. "Well, you're definitely pregnant, Ms. Swan." She smiled softly. "Have you decided—"

"I'm keeping it," I cut her off.

"That's great! Now, we're going to take a look and hopefully, you'll be able to hear the heartbeat today. If not, you'll at least be able to see it on the screen. Now, if you'll just lay back and lower your pants a bit and lift your shirt for me." She squirted some gel onto my stomach once I was ready.

She moved the wand around my stomach for a moment before a little bean showed up on the monitor of the machine. "Well, there's your little baby. You're about eight weeks along it seems, and here"—she turned the volume up and a loud whooshing noise filled the room—"is the heartbeat."

I couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my face as Rose walked over to me and gripped my hand. "I'm so happy to hear it, but I always imagined I'd be doing this with my husband, or at least my boyfriend," I said quietly.

"I know, honey," Rose soothed me. "But you have all of your family and friends, and hopefully Edward will come around."

The doctor finished up and wiped my stomach clean before handing me a few pictures she'd printed out. "I'll want to see you in about a month, and the receptionist will have a list of do's and don'ts, along with a list of foods that are good for you and some that you shouldn't be eating. Do you have any questions?" I shook my head. "Well, don't hesitate to call if you do. Oh, and a lot of people are embarrassed to ask, so I'll just be upfront; it's perfectly safe to continue to have sex for now."

I blushed at her words, not sure if I'd even have to worry about that anyway.

Now I just had the daunting task of eventually telling everyone.

—LD—

The last thing I expected when I arrived home was to see Edward's car in my driveway and Edward himself sitting on my porch steps.

As I stepped out of my car our eyes met and I had to look away. I didn't know what he was doing here after all this time, and I wasn't sure that I really wanted to, anyway.

"Bella," he said as I started to climb the stairs. "I know I missed the appointment today, but I'm—"

" _Please,_ don't tell me that you're sorry."

"But I am. I wanted to be there, I really did, I just... I don't know what I'm doing, here. I haven't had a drink in almost three weeks. I'm _trying_. I want to be a good dad. I want to be there for you, I just don't know _how_. I'm scared."

"I'm scared too, but there I was, with _Rose,_ seeing my baby for the first time and listening to its heartbeat. I'm supposed to be doing this with someone who loves me, who cares about me! But I'm not!" I wiped at my angry tears.

I watched as he swallowed thickly, taking in for the first time that he looked like shit. "I'm really sorry," he said as his own tears spilled over. "I do care about you. I'm sorry I didn't get to see the baby or hear its heartbeat."

"Why didn't you call me?"

"I don't want to fail in front of you."

"I wish you would have just told me what was going on."

He shrugged his shoulders, looking miserable.

"Have you eaten?" I asked.

He perked up slightly. "No, not yet."

I headed up the rest of the steps. "I was going to order a pizza; come on."

—LD—

"Do you want to see pictures of the baby?" I asked hesitantly.

His eyes lit up. "You have pictures?"

"Yeah, here." I grabbed them from my purse and handed them to him.

He squinted at the photo. "It doesn't look like a baby. It looks like a... bean or something. Is it supposed to look like that?"

I chuckled softly. "I thought it looked like a little bean too, but, yeah, it's supposed to look like that."

"How are you feeling? You were really sick last time."

I shrugged. "It's a little less. I'm not throwing up as much."

"That's good." He sighed. "I hate this, Bella."

I raised an eyebrow. "What exactly do you hate?"

"How we're acting as if we're just acquaintances, not like we're about to have a baby together."

"It's not my fault you've been gone for over three weeks. What did you expect? That I'd just forget everything and we'd pick up where we left off?" I glared at him, taking the pictures back.

"I don't know what I expected. I guess I hoped it'd be better than this."

I took a deep breath to calm myself. "This is way better than _I_ expected it to go. You're lucky I let you in my house."

"Can we try and start over? Please?"

I shook my head. "No. There's no way that would work. We can try and move forward, though."

"I'm going to do better, I swear. I'll be here every day, hell, I'll spend every night, too, or you can spend time at my house—"

"Don't get ahead of yourself, Edward. You've made promises before. I'll believe it when I see it."

"I won't let you down this time."

I didn't let myself get my hopes up. Those were words I'd already heard plenty of times from him.


	11. Chapter 10

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black and Sukiethree for pre-reading!

—LD—

When I was about twelve weeks along, the majority of my morning sickness had subsided, except for certain times. Unfortunately, a few of those times were at work, but thankfully no one had really noticed, yet.

Esme called me into her office early one morning, wanting to discuss the project that my team and I were working on for Edward.

"I know my son, and the only time he was ever even slightly hands-on was when we were working on his own house. So that being said, I'm going to assume that most of these ideas are solely yours with a bit of input from your team?"

I nodded, taking a deep breath as I felt my stomach begin to churn. I prayed that I could just hold out for a few more minutes. "After our initial meeting, he basically gave me free rein—I'm sorry!" I jumped out of my chair, covering my mouth and running as quickly as I could to the ladies room where I promptly vomited into the trash can. I stood up, glancing at myself in the mirror and wishing I hadn't as I took in the sight of my pale, clammy skin. I sighed and splashed some cool water on my face. I headed back to Esme's office ready to claim I must have caught some sort of bug.

I walked back into the room, taking my seat as Esme eyed me carefully. She stood from her chair, walking to close her door before taking a seat next to me. "It's none of my business—I mean, maybe it's a _little bit_ my business since you work for me—but, are you pregnant? I've seen that look before, on myself actually." She smiled softly.

I figured there was no use in lying to her, she'd be finding out soon, anyway. I nodded my head. "I am."

"Are congratulations in order, or...?"

"It's complicated, but I'm starting to slowly get used to the idea." There was just something about Esme that made me feel comfortable talking to her, but I also felt like I was lying by not telling her the whole truth. I didn't know if Edward ever would.

"It's complicated because it's Edward's," I blurted out and immediately wished I hadn't; at least, not at work.

She gasped and then stared at me. "Edward's? _My_ Edward?"

I nodded. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you like that—"

"For fuck's sake, that boy is always getting himself into trouble! Forgive me, I'm not saying that _you're_ trouble, it's just... this is all just a bit shocking. I didn't even know you knew him outside of work. Or do you? Do I want to know?" The cool, calm, and collected Esme that I knew was no longer here.

"I met him a week before I started my internship. I didn't know he was your son. And the... the baby happened before you put me on this project, but I didn't know I was pregnant at the time."

She nodded. "Okay, good. That's good, at least. I think we need to continue this meeting at another time, all right?"

I nodded once again and stood to leave, but turned toward her. "Is my internship okay, I mean…"

She gave me a genuine, yet shaky, smile. "Your job is fine. Maybe this is just the kick in the ass Edward needs." She sighed, concern crossing her face.

—LD—

After Esme found out that I was pregnant, it felt as if there was no time like the present to let other people know.

I honestly would have preferred to tell my parents face-to-face so I could read my dad's reaction better, but I didn't have the opportunity to fly to San Francisco to see them, and they weren't due to visit for another couple of months. I could just imagine their faces if I said nothing and they showed up and I was heavily pregnant. That would _not_ go over well.

I tried to mentally will my hand to stop shaking as I pulled my mom's number up on my phone and pressed the call button. It rang for a while and I was both disappointed and thrilled that it was going to go to voicemail. Disappointed because I just wanted to get this over with, and thrilled because I wanted to do anything but tell them.

"Hello?" Mom surprised me and picked up at the very last second.

"Hey, Mom," I choked out.

"Bella! Honey, I was just thinking about you. How are you?"

"I'm okay. I want to talk to you about something, do you have a minute?"

"Just _okay_? I have plenty of time for you, baby. What's up?" As she said this, I just wanted to curl up in her arms and cry like I did when I was a little girl. I was _so_ in over my head, it wasn't funny.

"I don't know what to do, Mom. I'm pregnant, and—"

Her quiet gasp cut me off. "Pregnant? I didn't know you were seeing anyone, honey."

"I'm not; well, not really. It's so complicated..."

"It's okay, baby. I get it. What are you going to do? Are you…?"

"I'm keeping it. I-I think already love it." I blew out a hard breath.

"Of course you do, honey. I wouldn't expect any less from you. Now, tell me everything that's been going on."

I spent the next hour filling my mom in on _almost_ everything, including my worries about Emmett, which she said she'd help me take care of, along with my father.

Before we hung up, she begged me for pictures of her newest grandbaby.

—LD—

It was about an hour later while I was sitting on my couch trying to zone out, watching crappy reality TV, that my phone rang. I glanced down, seeing that it was Edward. "Hello?"

"Thanks for warning me that you fucking told my mother that I got you pregnant!" he shouted through the phone.

"I think I have the right to tell anyone I want that I'm pregnant and who the father is, and don't fucking yell at me again!"

"Don't you think I had the right to tell my own mother?" There was still an edge to his voice, but he wasn't yelling, at least.

" _Were_ you ever going to tell her?"

"You're only twelve weeks! I thought I had a little time still!" His voice was beginning to rise again, but my mind ignored that for the fact that he actually knew how far along I was.

"You're right." I sighed; he did have every right to tell his family in his own time and I shouldn't have taken that from him. "I'm sorry. You should have been able to tell her with me, at least. I really didn't mean to, it just kind of slipped out after I rushed out of her office to puke."

"You made it sound like I was keeping it from her. My mom already thinks I'm a fuck up. She doesn't need more reasons."

"She doesn't—"

He scoffed, cutting me off. "Trust me. She does."

"She worries about you, that's all, Edward."

"Yeah, well, there's nothing to fucking worry about," he said before hanging up on me.

Just like always, it was one step forward and two steps back with him.

—LD—

I pulled up in front of the house that I was working on for Edward, just to stop in and see how things were coming along. I was surprised when I pulled in and saw his car also sitting in the driveway. I didn't know the last time he'd been out to check on it.

I opened the front door and walked in, smiling at how nicely everything was coming together. The walls had been painted and window treatments would be going up in a day or so, and then everything would just about be finished.

I heard him come up behind me. "You really made this place look great."

I turned around to face him. "Thanks," I said quietly, unsure where we stood after our phone call last night.

He reached out and laced his fingers with mine. "I'm sorry I yelled at you last night. I just didn't expect to get that call from my mom."

"Was she angry?"

He shook his head. "No, not angry, but I could hear in her voice that she was disappointed. But, I don't think that would have changed if I had told her instead of you."

"I really am sorry—"

"Don't worry about it." He shrugged.

"Are you going to make it to my doctor's appointment tomorrow? You don't have to—"

"I'll be there. I've got to get going, though. I'll see you tomorrow at four, right?"

I nodded as he gave my hand a squeeze before he turned, walking out of the house and leaving me standing there on my own.


	12. Chapter 11

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black and Sukiethree for pre-reading!

—LD—

I sat in the doctor's office watching as the time went from 3:58 to 3:59 and I had basically given up all hope that he was coming when the door opened and Edward walked in. He immediately looked so uncomfortable and out of place. Part of me wanted to let him stand there, looking around helplessly, but I knew it wasn't fair. For once, he was actually doing what he said he would.

"Edward," I called softly to him and as his eyes met mine, I saw him visibly relax. He walked over, taking the seat beside me.

"Sorry, I know I'm running a little late."

I shrugged. "It's fine. You're here now and I haven't been called back yet. We probably have a little time anyway, you know how doctors are."

He nodded and glanced around the room nervously, his eyes widening as they landed on a woman who had to have been at least nine months pregnant. "Are you going to get _that_ big?" he whispered quietly to me.

"Probably." I shrugged, trying to seem un-phased by it all, when I was anything but. Even though I now had a small bump, my mind hadn't wrapped around the fact that I was going to continuously get bigger for the next six months.

"Isabella Swan?" the nurse called out and I rose out of my seat, Edward following behind me. "We'll just get your weight and then we'll go into the room at the end of the hall." She smiled.

I stepped up onto the scale and I could feel Edward peeking over my shoulder. "Do you mind? I don't watch _you_ get weighed."

He shrugged and turned away. "Sorry, I was just curious."

I stepped down from the scale and we made our way to the exam room.

There was a knock at the door and Carmen walked in. "Good afternoon, Bella." She smiled and glanced at Edward. "I'm Doctor Denali." She held her hand out for him, which he took.

'I'm, uh, I'm Edward, the baby's... father." He stumbled over his words, actually seeming like he was nineteen for once.

"That's great. I'm happy you could make it today. Now, Bella, everything looks great from the urine sample you left when you first got here, and all of your vitals look great. How have you been sleeping?"

"Honestly, not that great. I'm always exhausted and I tend to go to bed early, but I find myself waking up _a lot_ during the night."

"You do?" Edward piped up, looking slightly concerned, and I nodded.

"That's not terribly abnormal, a lot of women experience that, but it seems that they sleep better in the second trimester, so hopefully you'll be getting some better rest soon." She smiled. "Now, let's listen to your little one's heart. If you could just lay back for me and lift your shirt."

I laid back and pulled up my shirt for her. She pressed the doppler to my small bump and moved it around for a moment before the loud whooshing noise that I had heard at the last appointment filled the room.

"Is that—"

"It is." I smiled as I answered Edward.

"It so _fast._ Is it supposed to be that fast?"

"It sure is. It's actually just perfect," Doctor Denali said as she pulled away from my stomach. "Everything looks great, and your baby sounds great. Do either of you have any questions for me?"

I never expected Edward to speak up. "Is... is there anything I should know? Like things she should avoid, stuff like that?"

Carmen turned to him. "That's a really good question, Edward. Bella should already have a list of foods she can and can't have, and a list of activities that are unsafe for her while pregnant. You can ask for copies at the front desk before you go if you want them for yourself. Right now, what she really needs is lots of rest and good emotional support. It's not easy work growing a baby."

Edward glanced over at me and nodded. "I can do that." His voice was barely above a whisper.

"Great! If either of you ever has any other questions for me, don't hesitate to call, and I'll see you in about a month," she said before she left the room.

We stood outside the doctor's office next to our cars, Edward with his hands in his pockets, looking anywhere but at me. "It was really... I don't know, cool, I guess, hearing the baby's heartbeat and all."

I smiled at him. "It really was, wasn't it? So, I was just going to go home and heat up leftovers, but if you wanted to—"

"Yes." His response was immediate.

"Oh! Okay, well, I'll meet you at my place in about twenty minutes?"

It was the first time that I saw him truly smile in what felt like forever. "Sure. Twenty minutes."

—LD—

"So, what's for dinner?"

"I made macaroni and cheese from scratch when I was really craving it the other day." I opened the front door, but when I stepped in, I was met with the loud squelching sound of shoes on water. "What the—" I gasped, looking around and taking in the inch of water that was covering my living room floor. "Oh _no._ No, no, no!"

"What's wrong?" Edward looked over my shoulder. " _Fuck_."

"Shit! A pipe must have burst, what am I going to do? I need to call my landlord, and—"

"Come on, you can do all of that from my house. You can't stay here." He laced his fingers with mine and pulled me back out the door.

"But I don't have any clothes or—"

He held the car door open for me. "You can borrow something of mine for tonight, and we'll figure everything else out tomorrow. You heard the doctor; you need to rest, and you won't rest here."

I nodded, tears clouding my eyes as I climbed into his car. "It's going to take them _forever._ I have the slowest landlord ever!"

"Hey, don't cry, it's going to be fine. You can stay with me as long as you need to, alright? We'll work this out. I have a guest room with its own bathroom, so you'll even still have your privacy"

I had just hung up the phone with my landlord, who had told me he would get to my house as soon as possible—which I knew in his terms meant hopefully in the next two weeks, when the water would probably have dried up and left major damage. Frustrated wasn't the right word for what I was feeling at the moment.

"Okay, so I ordered a pizza, it should be here soon," Edward said, walking into the room. I burst into tears. Whether it was from the stress of the day or the pregnancy hormones, I didn't know.

"I-I really wanted cornbread from that place we had brunch at a few months ago. Norah's."

"You wanted... okay, um, I'll just give the pizza place a call and cancel the—"

" _No_!"I shouted. "No, I want the pizza, too."

"Okay, of course. I'll just call Norah's, order some cornbread, and drive out to West Hollywood."

"Thank you!" I grinned and kissed him on the cheek.

—LD—

Dinner had been finished for a few hours, and between the pizza and the cornbread, it had been one of the best meals I'd had in a long time. I'd felt truly happy, but now as I laid in bed, I felt _lonely_ and sleep just wouldn't come. I threw my feet over the side of the bed and walked down the hall to Edward's room.

"Edward," I whispered, standing at the side of his bed, but he didn't stir. " _Edward_ ,"I said louder, causing him to jump up, his blanket slipping down his waist, making it extremely evident that he slept naked.

"What? What is it? Are you okay?" He sounded panicked.

He had yet to cover up, and I just stared at him. "You're naked."

"You woke me up to tell me I was naked?" He glared at me, pulling his blanket up.

"What? Oh, no. I can't sleep."

He sighed heavily. "What can I do to help?"

"Can I sleep with you?"

His eyes lit up and he threw back the covers on the other side of the bed. "You never have to ask that." He grinned.

" _Just_ sleep, Edward. I'm lonely."

He nodded. "Yeah, okay, just sleep. I'll be the perfect gentleman. I'll just go and slip some boxers on."

"You don't have to change how you sleep for me."

"You sure? I want you to be comfortable."

"It's fine." I yawned, curling up in his bed as he draped his arm over me, pulling me closer to him. His erection poked me in the ass. " _Edward_ ,"I growled.

"I can't help that I'm attracted to you, Bella. Just go to sleep."

It was only a few moments later that I felt myself drifting off into the best sleep that I'd had in weeks.


	13. Chapter 12

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black and Sukiethree for pre-reading!

EPOV

—LD—

" _Edward, please, I can explain," I heard my mother say before there was a loud crash down the hallway. I should have been asleep. I was always asleep by then, but not tonight. I heard her cry out "Edward!" one more time before…_

I woke with a start, trying to catch my breath. It had been a long time since I'd had that dream. I was seven the first time I heard my mother yell my name like that. I'd made my way down the hall to see what she wanted, inadvertently witnessing something that no child ever should. She wasn't calling for _me_ ; she was crying out to my _father_ , Edward Sr., while he beat her. I ran back down the hall, terrified and confused. After that, I'd never slept the same again.

It was two years after that night that someway, somehow she'd finally had enough—finally decided that she was worth more, that _we_ were worth more than that—and we left in the middle of the night. She never really offered me an explanation but, then again, I didn't need one. Not that she knew that.

It was another two years after that when she introduced me to Carlisle. She told me he was a _good_ man, a _kind_ man, that he loved her and he wanted to love me, too. She married him a few months later and took his last name. When my mother wrote to my father asking if he'd give permission for me to change my name, it just showed how much my father didn't care when he told her to do what she wanted. It was then that Edward Masen Jr. ceased to exist and Edward Cullenwas born.

Carlisle tried, fuck, did he ever try, but I was eleven and already had ghosts from hearing and seeing my mom beaten by the man who was supposed to love the both of us. It was hard; hard to love myself while I carried that around, nevermind letting someone else love me.

I glanced over at the other side of the bed. Bella sprawled out over her side, the same as every night for the last week. My gaze trailed down to the small baby bump that she was sporting now. _My_ baby was in there. I'd heard its fast little heartbeat, seen its pictures. I felt _something_ toward it, but I didn't know what. I was supposed to be someone's father in six months, and I had no clue how to accomplish that.

It wasn't even seven in the morning, and I felt my throat burning and my mind aching to escape. I hadn't had much to drink in the past few weeks, and I tried to hide it from Bella as best I could, but it was hard for me to function with a completely clear mind.

I got out of bed and walked down the stairs, pulling open the cabinet where I kept my stash. There it was, staring me straight in the face: a bottle of Jack. I just needed a shot, just _something_ to take the edge off. I pulled off the top, brought it to my lips, and took a few long gulps before placing it back on the shelf. I pushed out a deep breath. It wasn't enough. I didn't know if it would _ever_ be enough. The thoughts, the sounds... they were all still there, fresh in my memory. Still, I somehow dragged myself away from the cabinet and to the couch, throwing myself down onto it and turning on the TV.

—LD—

I must have fallen asleep, because it felt like hours later that Bella was shaking me awake, dressed and ready for work. Just one look in her eyes and I knew she knew. I was sure she could smell it on me.

"Hey, I've got to get to work. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine," I lied. It would be harder to hide it from her while she stayed here. It would be so much easier if she were back in her own house. The crazy thing was, I didn't want her to leave, but at the same time, I didn't want to be sober.

"Okay. I'll see you tonight?"

"I might be late. I've got some things I need to take care of with one of my guys." If I went out and she was asleep before I got home, hopefully she'd be none the wiser.

"Well, have a good day." She gave me a half smile before she left.

Before Bella, there was never a war inside of me like this. I never wanted to be better for Esme or Carlisle. That's not to say I _wanted_ to disappoint or worry my mother, but as time went on, it seemed to be an impossible feat. I loved my mom. She was a great woman, and she'd tried so hard to overcome everything. There were times when she had been a bit self-involved, leaving me to my own devices.

I started drinking when I was fifteen.

Esme had the idea that while she was happy with her firm in Chicago, she wanted to expand. Mainly I think she wanted to get away from any reminder of _him_. Carlisle agreed since he could practice medicine in California just as well as Chicago. That summer, they packed up and uprooted me from everything and everyone I had ever known. Miserable wasn't a strong enough word for how I felt. That was the year I met Mike Newton. We would sneak his dad's beers and sips of his Jack Daniel's at night when everyone else was asleep. It was then that I realized it dulled everything. It made everything seem so much more bearable, and best of all? I didn't dream.

I was positive that Carlisle knew since he was the one who was around the most. I was sure my mother knew _something,_ but she tended to turn a blind eye, not wanting to admit that I truly was my father's son. Carlisle tried everything; grounding me, eventually taking away my keys, setting a strict curfew. There was only so much he could try to stop me from doing what I wanted, even though I was still a teenager. It was even harder for him to control me when I came into ridiculous amounts of money at the age of eighteen.

—LD—

After the fourth attempt, I finally got the door unlocked. I hadn't gotten this fucked up in _weeks._ I stumbled into the entryway, trying my hardest to be quiet, but my body just wouldn't cooperate. I'd stayed out drinking with Mike until early morning.

I flipped on the lights for the living room and nearly pissed my pants when I saw Bella sitting on the couch. Her eyes were puffy and bloodshot as if she'd been crying.

"You're awake."

"It's three in the morning, Edward. You said you _might_ be home late."

"I _am_ home late. It's _really_ late." I laughed.

"I'm glad you find this funny. I called you so many times and you didn't answer. I thought you were dead! But no, Edward Cullen is just drunk again. Remember how you said you were just like your father? An asshole and a drunk? Well, you win. You're right. I can't do this anymore, Edward. It's not just about me or you, anymore. I have a baby to think about now, and I will always, _always_ choose them first. I'll be gone in the morning." She stood from her seat and walked up the stairs and away from me.

I stared at her retreating form. I was used to people, Carlisle mainly, dropping hints that I was headed down the same path as my father. No one aside from myself had ever _actually_ compared me to him.

" _Fuck you!"_ I yelled, cursing my father as I slammed my fist through the glass of the coffee table. Then I pulled my hand back and flipped the table completely over.

That was the last thing I remembered before everything went black.


	14. Chapter 13

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black and Sukiethree for pre-reading!

—LD—

EPOV

"Edward." I felt someone shove me. " _Edward!"_ I heard again, this time much louder.

I groaned as I opened my eyes and the light invaded them. I tried to lift my arm to rub the sleep out of my eyes, but the pain that shot through my hand and down my arm was excruciating and like nothing I had ever felt before.

" _Mother fucker!"_ I yelled, my gaze darting to my hand. It was caked with dried blood, and shards of glass stuck out of it in a few different spots.

"Yeah, you fucked yourself up good last night, didn't you?"

I glanced around the room, looking for the voice I'd only heard a time or two before.

"Get up, I'm taking you to the hospital."

"Where's Bella?" I croaked; my throat was so dry.

"She's at my house, where she'll be staying until they fix her place. For some reason, my sister still cares about what happens to your sorry ass and begged me to make sure you get that taken care of." He gestured to my hand. "I personally thought we should just leave you here. Come on, I don't have all fucking day. I still have to get to work, so _move_!"Emmett barked as he turned to head out the door.

I got up as quickly as my body would let me and hurried out the door and into his car.

—LD—

"Bella ever tell you our dad is a cop?" Emmett glanced over at me. I nodded in response, not sure where he was going with this. "He wouldn't like you having this." He slipped my fake ID out of his pocket. I rarely used it since enough money could get me almost anything I wanted. I watched as he rolled down the window and threw it out.

"How did you get that?" I glared at him.

"Dug through your wallet while you were passed out." He turned the corner and pulled up to the curb at the emergency room. "Bella said this is the hospital where your dad works."

"He's not my father," I said through gritted teeth.

"I don't give a fuck who he is. Go and get yourself fixed up, or else I can almost promise that you'll never see my sister again or ever meet your kid. You don't want that, man." He sighed and ran his hands over his face. "Look, I don't have time to give you my whole life story, but there was a time I was really fucked up. I didn't see my kid for two years and I'll never get that time back. Don't do that to yourself, to Bella, and especially to your kid."

I stepped out of the car and watched as he pulled away. I knew he was right; I needed to fix this. Not only for me or Bella, but for my son or daughter that deserved a better childhood than I ever had.

—LD—

I walked up to the receptionist. Even though it hurt like a bitch, I attempted to keep my hand out of view before I saw Carlisle. I didn't want to call any more attention to myself than I was sure I already had.

"Hey, Maggie, is Doctor Cullen busy?"

"Oh! Hi, Edward, it's been a while since I've seen you. Let me just go and see if he's available." She smiled.

"Great, thanks." I threw myself down onto a chair, leaning my head back and praying that Carlisle could see me quickly.

"Edward? Son? Maggie said you were here looking for me, what's—" He stopped short, his eyes zeroing in on my hand. "Edward, what have you done? Come on, let's get you to the back." I heard the disappointment in his voice. For the first time ever, it nearly gutted me. I was tired of this day, tired of disappointing everyone around me, and really fucking tired of my aching hand.

"Sit down here. I need to get a nurse to help me clean you up and get the glass out. You're going to need an x-ray. I'll be right back."

"Carlisle, I need help," I mumbled before he left the room. When he turned to look at me, I knew he knew exactly what I meant.

"Okay," he said back just as quietly, his eyes glassy with unshed tears. "Okay. We'll get you help."

It was about an hour later that I was finished with the x-rays and my hand was stitched up and bandaged for the sprain I had given myself.

Carlisle poked his head into the room. "Come on, lets go chat in my office."

I followed him down the hall and sat down in one of the chairs in front of his desk.

"What happened, Edward?"

It only took that question for _everything_ to just spill out. Watching my dad beat my mom, the nightmares I'd suffered for years, the name change that no one really asked me about, the move, drinking with Mike; once I started, I just couldn't stop. I wiped at my eyes, finally getting to what happened the night before. "Bella is never going to talk to me again. I fucked up majorly this time."

"Do you love her?" he asked. I couldn't read the expression on his face.

"I don't know. I feel _something_ toward her. There are times when I'm with her and I feel _so good_ , like I could never have another drink and just be fine, but it never lasts."

"Once we get you help, you might have a different perspective on her, but you'll have to give her time. She wasn't wrong, Edward. She has a baby to worry about right now, and so do you, but you need to get yourself right first. What are you thinking? Do you want to do AA, or do you think you need something more substantial? I know a few great rehab facilities."

"I-I don't trust myself, Carlisle. I think it needs to be rehab." I looked down at my hands.

"You have no clue how proud I am of you for doing this, do you?"

I looked up sharply. " _Proud_?" I scoffed.

"Yes. _Proud._ I've watched you for so long, Edward. I've tried to talk to you; I tried so many different things, but they were never enough. I just prayed that one day you'd see, that you'd want the help before it was too late." He gave me a small smile.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle."

He nodded. "Let's just get you help, Edward. I'll drive you home, we'll pack a bag, and then call your mother and Bella on the way."

The call to Bella was first. Her phone rang and rang, which I had honestly expected. Finally, her voicemail picked up.

"Hey, it's me. So, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am, Bella. I know I've said it before. I haven't been very good to you. You deserve someone who is going to love you and take care of you and our baby. I still want to be that person, but I can't; not yet, at least. I'm going to get help, Bella. For real this time. I'm headed to rehab while I'm leaving you this message. I hope when I get back that maybe you'll speak to me." I pressed end on the call, turned and stared out the window. I'd deal with my mom in a bit.

My heart felt too broken to do it right then.

"It's going to be okay." Carlisle's voice was calm and quiet. "This is the biggest and hardest step. You can do this."

I sure as hell hoped he was right.

—LD—

It was right as we pulled into the parking lot that my phone rang and Bella's picture popped up. I looked over at Carlisle and he nodded.

"Hello?"

"Good luck, Edward." Her voice was quiet and trembled just slightly.

"Thanks. I—"

"I'll talk to you soon."

"Oh. Yeah, okay."

The line went dead. I shoved my phone in my pocket, even though I was sure I wouldn't be able to keep it. I climbed out of the car, heading toward my new home away from home; for how long, I wasn't sure.


	15. Chapter 14

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black and Sukiethree for pre-reading!

—LD—

I lay in the center of the bed in Emmett's guest room, wiping at my eyes. I'd spent the majority of the morning crying, but I knew I needed to pull myself together. All of this stress wasn't good for the baby.

But then a fresh round of tears started when I thought of the baby growing inside of me and the fact that its father was headed to rehab. I cried because I was proud of him for finally taking this seriously; for getting help for himself, for his child, and maybe even for me. I cried because I loved him. He was an asshole at times and he'd lied to me about his drinking and who knows what else, but there were so many moments when it was just me and him that I saw the person he truly was. He had a kind heart, but it was buried under years of trauma, of things that no child should ever hear or see, and alcohol abuse to numb the pain from that trauma. I hoped that once he got help, maybe we could be something more one day.

—LD—

There was a knock at the door before Rose let herself in and sat down on the bed beside me. "How are you?"

I met her gaze and then looked away. "I'm okay. Just kind of sad."

"That's understandable. A lot has happened in one day. Do you know which facility he went to?"

I shook my head. "No, I just called him to wish him good luck. I couldn't…" I trailed off.

"That's okay. I'm sure Esme or, what was his name, Carlisle, will tell you. You know, they usually have visitor days, so you could go see him. Sometimes they even have couples therapy."

I glanced over at her. "You sure seem to know a lot about rehab."

She shrugged. "It's not something I just go around spilling to everyone, but my uncle went to rehab a few years ago for a drug overdose."

"So you get it," I said.

"I get it. Hey, have you eaten lunch yet? I was thinking we could pick up Alice and—"

"Yes," I interrupted.

"I haven't even told you where!" she laughed.

I pointed down at my pregnant belly. "I don't need to know where. The answer is almost always yes."

—LD—

The weekend flew by, and for the first time I was dreading work. I wasn't sure what kind of mood Esme would be in and I was nervous to find out. Thankfully, my fears were unfounded and she seemed to be handling it all better than I would have thought.

"Good morning, Bella. I was wondering if I could speak to you in my office for a moment?" Esme pulled me aside as I walked in, and I followed her into her office.

"I'm sure you know about Edward," she began as we both took a seat.

"Yes, he called me on the way to the rehab center."

"I just can't believe it got that bad. I don't know how I didn't see it, after everything with his—" She stopped mid-sentence and took a deep breath. "Sorry. I brought you in here this morning to say if there's anything you need concerning the baby, please let myself or Carlisle know. We want to help. We're going to be grandparents, after all."

"I really appreciate it. Actually, there is something you can do for me. I didn't get the name of the facility Edward is staying at. Can you tell me what it is?"

She gave me a small, yet warm, smile. "Of course. It's a place out in The Hills. Here, I'll write it down for you."

"Thanks. Are there certain visiting times? Can I call him?" I asked as she wrote on a scrap of paper.

"Carlisle took him to a place where he's referred several other people. It's extremely family oriented. If Edward wants you there, you can be there. He can get phone calls anytime, as well."

I nodded, clutching the piece of paper in my hand. "Okay. That's good to know. Was there anything else you needed to speak to me about?"

"No, that was it. I'll be taking the rest of the day off. I'll check in with you tomorrow."

—LD—

I stared at the piece of paper Esme gave me a week ago. I knew he'd want to hear from me, but I just wasn't ready yet. Everything still felt so raw. I didn't know how long he'd been lying to me about drinking. He'd somehow convinced me that he was truly sober. Meanwhile, he was still out getting drunk and doing God only knew what. _That_ pissed me off. I didn't like that he drank, or that it was a problem for him, but I would rather know he was struggling than be lied to. I knew he would be in rehab for a while, so I vowed to myself that _next_ week, I would call.

But when the next week came, it still didn't feel right. I knew I didn't owe him anything, that I didn't _have_ to call him.

Suddenly, it hit me.

I didn't want to talk to him on the phone; I wanted to _see_ him. I needed answers from him; I needed to talk to him face to face. I grabbed my car keys and headed out the door.

—LD—

When I pulled up in front of the center, I couldn't believe my eyes. Leave it to Edward to do rehab in a ridiculous style. It was nicer looking than most hotels I'd been in. I took a deep breath and stepped out of my car. I had no clue what was waiting for me on the other side of those doors.

After being buzzed into the building, I gave my name and ID to the receptionist who told me to take a seat and that they would bring Edward to see me as soon as they could.

"Bella?" I heard my name being called after about twenty minutes and looked up to find Edward standing there.

I wasn't sure what I expected. Maybe what's shown in movies, where the recovering alcoholic looked worse before they got better, but that wasn't Edward's case. He'd only been there about two weeks, but he looked good; healthy, even. He was clean shaven and his eyes were brighter than I'd ever seen. He looked _so young._ However, I could still sense his nervousness from his stance.

"I didn't know if you were going to come." He shoved his hands in his pockets nervously.

I stood up and walked toward him. "I wasn't sure I was going to come, either, but I needed some answers. Is there somewhere we can talk?"

He nodded. "Yeah, there's a nice garden out this way. We could walk around, or sit, whichever."

We walked for a good five minutes in silence before I spoke up. "Why did you lie to me? You were still drinking, but you told me—"

"Having a clear head was— _is_ —terrifying. I shouldn't have lied. I didn't want to let you down again, but I was constantly surrounded by overwhelming thoughts. I just couldn't do it. It's still so hard, but therapy is slowly helping. Both my parents really fucked up my childhood."

"Maybe I would have been let down, but it wouldn't have hurt nearly as much as being straight up lied to." I stopped walking and sat on a bench in the shade.

He sat next to me. "I know, and I'm sorry."

"I want your apology to be good enough; I want to say that it's okay, but I can't yet."

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I don't expect you to just forgive me that easily, but I hope that one day you might be able to."

"What did you mean when you said both your parents fucked up your childhood? I know some about your dad, but your mom?"

Edward blew out a hard breath. "Well, you already know about my dad, how he used to beat my mom. As for her? I understood her leaving my dad, but it felt like she met Carlisle and immediately they were getting married. I'd only met him once before…"

We sat outside for over an hour while Edward poured his entire soul and life story out for me. I understood more where the drinking came into play, and how it didn't excuse his behaviors, but there was still a little boy inside of him that was just trying to make sense of everything.

Finally, he stared at me for a long minute before speaking. "You look bigger."

I glared at him. "Excuse me?"

"You know what I mean. Your baby bump. It's gotten a little bigger." He reached out before pulling back.

"It's fine, you can touch me." I grabbed his hand and placed it on my stomach.

I watched as he rubbed smooth circles on my belly. It felt nice. "I can feel it move sometimes. It's like this fluttery feeling."

"That's really cool." He was still looking at my belly, rubbing continuously.

"In a few weeks we get to find out if it's a boy or a girl. Will you still be here?"

He nodded sadly. "Yeah, most likely."

"Well, I'll just have to bring you a sonogram picture and surprise you."

"I'd really, _really_ like that." He looked right at me and smiled, and I could see how much my words meant to him.


	16. Chapter 15

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black and Sukiethree for pre-reading!

—LD—

Over the new few weeks, we chatted on the phone a couple of times but I didn't go back to see him in person. I was still finding it difficult to trust him and the things he said. I knew if given the chance, I'd want to attend a therapy session with him. We had a baby on the way and I wanted us to get along and eventually trust one another. I wanted us to have a relationship for our child and for ourselves.

—LD—

I couldn't put off seeing him any longer once I went for my twenty-week scan. I'd promised him I'd come see him so he could find out the sex of the baby.

I sat in the front waiting area of the rehab facility holding an envelope that contained the information on whether we were having a boy or a girl. I'd decided when Rose and I got to the doctor's office that morning that I wanted to find out _with_ Edward. It felt like a good opportunity to bond with him.

"Hey, doll, you're a sight for sore eyes." He still looked healthy, but his eyes weren't nearly as bright as they had been the last time I saw him.

"Rough day?" I asked as I stood to greet him.

He nodded. "Yeah, sometimes therapy kicks my ass. It helps; _fuck_ , does it help, but it's tough."

I figured that him bringing up therapy was a sign for me to ask about it. "Would you be willing to have a session with me?"

He looked taken aback for a moment. "Oh, yeah, totally. Just tell me what day works and I'll set it up. So, what's in the envelope?"

I grinned. "Let's go take a walk. Or can we go to your room?"

"We can go anywhere you want, Bella."

I followed him down several halls until he opened the door to his room. I took a seat on the chair beside his bed and handed him the envelope. "You can open it."

He took a deep breath and looked at me. "I know I'm always saying I'm sorry, but I really am. I don't want to sound like an asshole, but I haven't really been excited about becoming a dad. But this? This is just making it so much more real, and I'm starting to feel some of that excitement. I feel stupid for saying it, but I have butterflies in my stomach."

I nodded and smiled at his words. "I know what you mean. Even though I'm carrying the baby inside of me and I can feel it moving around, it doesn't always feel _real._ Edward, I know your relationship is strained, but your mother loves you and so does Carlisle. Carlisle is a great example of a father. He never once gave up on you, even when you pushed him away and went out on your own."

"You're right," he said quietly before he ran his finger under the flap of the envelope. "You sure you want me to do this?"

"Yes!" I felt the same thrill of excitement he'd described as he opened the envelope.

Edward pulled out the single piece of paper and stared down at it for a moment. "It's a girl," he finally said.

"A girl," I breathed out. We were going to have a little girl.

He pulled out one of the sonogram pictures that the technician had included in the envelope. I watched him as he stared down at it, running his finger along the outline of her little face. "I can't believe I'm going to have a little girl. This has to be karma for all the chicks I've—"

"I'd be careful with what you say next," I said in a warning tone.

He blushed. "Right. All the girls I've dated."

" _Dated_. Okay." I huffed. I knew I was being irrational. I wasn't stupid; I knew he'd obviously been with other girls. I just didn't need to hear about it.

"How are you feeling?" He changed the subject quickly, placing his hand on my now obviously pregnant belly. As much as I didn't want to, I melted a little. "Do you need anything? Clothes? I can give you my bank card."

I shook my head, a small smile on my lips. "No, I went shopping with Alice last weekend. I got plenty of new clothes."

"Oh. Well, good." He ran his hand through his hair. "So, I get out of here in a few weeks."

"Are you nervous?" I bit my lip while I waited for his response.

He nodded. "Really nervous. I'm going to stay with mom and Carlisle for a few weeks after I get out. I... I don't want to fail."

"I think you're going to do okay." I reached over and took his hand in mine. It was the first time in a long while that I was the one to initiate any sort of physical contact. I knew that whatever was going to happen next between us, we needed to go at a slower pace. He had to earn my trust, and I had to be patient with him.

"It's getting late and I know you have to drive back, but let's go set up that therapy appointment before you go, okay?"

"Yeah, that sounds good."

—LD—

We set our appointment for that Wednesday after I got out of work. I was definitely nervous, but there was a bigger part of me that was excited that we had this opportunity to hopefully strengthen our relationship. I really did like the person he was when he was sober.

I had never thought I needed therapy, but as the days went by, I started to think I really _could_ benefit from it. I always felt like I had something to prove, that I could never fail. It had always seemed like my parents, well, really my father, held me to a higher standard than he did Emmett.

It had been weeks since my mother had told him about the baby and he still hadn't spoken to me. I knew he'd come around eventually, but it still hurt, and I wasn't sure how to deal with my feelings about it. I was considering looking for a therapist of my own, outside of Edward's.

—LD—

We sat side by side on the couch in his therapist's office while she made a short introduction about herself before we got straight down to business.

"So, Bella, tell me why you're here today?" Emily asked.

"I'm having a hard time figuring out how I'm supposed to trust Edward moving forward. He repeatedly lied to me about his drinking. To be honest, I don't know if I've ever _really_ trusted him since I've known him. I feel like I keep giving up so much of myself for him."

She nodded and glanced over at Edward. "Trust is a hard thing to give away, and it's even harder to give once it feels like it's been broken. For right now, Edward is trying to do everything he can to get his life in order, which isn't an easy task. That's not to say he didn't burn some people along the way, you included. I think the biggest question is, do you _want_ to give him that trust?"

I looked at Edward and took his hand. "I want to. I think it's going to take time, but I want to."

"Edward? How does this all sound to you?" Emily asked.

He sighed and squeezed my hand. "It's nothing I wasn't expecting. I wasn't honest with the one person who I definitely should have been. But I haven't been honest with myself—or _anyone,_ for that matter—for as long as I can remember. I don't know if I even feel like I _deserve_ her trust, but fuck, do I want it. I'm constantly scared that I'll ruin our child or end up like my father. As days go by and I see your belly pop out each week—I know I can't mess this up. I need both of my girls." He wiped at his eyes.

"Sometimes when you say things like that, I forget that you're nineteen. You can mess up, Edward, I don't expect you not to. I just want to know the truth when you do."

He pushed out a breath. "I can't lose either of you."

"Then don't."

Emily smiled at both us. "I think we'll leave this here for today. Bella, will you come back next week? Once Edward is out of here, I'd like to keep seeing you both on a regular basis."

"I'd really like that."

I wanted us to keep moving forward, to learn how to trust each other. I knew for certain that I wanted him in our lives. It was just going to take a bit of time.


	17. Chapter 16

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black and Sukiethree for pre-reading!

EPOV

—LD—

I had been out of rehab for a little over three months. I wanted to say that it was easy, that I never struggled, but that wasn't true. Some days were easier than others. When my mind was occupied and I kept myself busy with work or Bella, that's when it felt like a piece of cake. There were days though, where no matter what I did it took every ounce I had in me to stay in control. Days where I just wanted to find a bottle and drown myself in it. Days where I just didn't want to _think._

It was Bella who often saved me on those days. It was in the way she would run her hand across my shoulders and tell me how proud she was of me. That she thought I was strong, and that she knew I could do it. It was the feel of my daughter kicking and squirming around when I placed my hand on Bella's stomach. It was the reminder that I needed to be good for myself and for _them._

—LD—

Today was a good day, an easy day. I stood in what was going to be the nursery in Bella's house with parts of the crib spread out before me. It seemed like an impossible task, with directions that were unreadable, but it kept me busy. It gave me something to feel accomplished over, eventually.

Bella and I weren't living together, but we did spend a lot of our time at each other's places. So we decided that our little girl would have a place to sleep whether she was at Mommy's house or Daddy's.

"Hey, how's it coming in here?" Bella walked, or rather waddled, into the room, sitting down in the rocking chair.

"Uh, it's coming, I guess? Carlisle helped me with the crib at my place. So I'm a little lost." I shrugged. "How are you feeling?"

"Huge, and tired and—oh!" She gasped, placing her hand on her belly.

I jumped up, rushing over to her. "What is it? Are you okay?"

She pushed out a breath and nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay. I think it was a contraction. It's been happening off and on all day."

"And you haven't said anything? I've been here for hours, Bella!"

I watched as her eyes filled with tears. "Don't yell at me, please. I've never done this before! Oh!" She gasped again.

"I'm sorry, doll, please don't cry. I've never done this either. Was that another one? Are we supposed to time them?"

She wiped at her eyes and nodded. "Yeah, we need to start timing them. I'm scared, Edward."

"Hey." I crouched down in front of her, taking her hands in mine. "I know you are, but you're going to do amazing. I don't know anyone stronger than you."

"You really think so?"

"No, I _know_ so. You're going to be such an amazing mom; hell, you already are. You've been taking care of her and loving her, while for the most of your pregnancy, I was off fucking up."

"Edward, you've come a long way. You're going to do—shit!" she yelped.

"Another one? That wasn't even four minutes! Where's your bag? Come on, we're going to the hospital."

That was when she burst into tears.

"I'm not ready! I can't do this. My parents aren't going to be here for another two weeks. I don't even know if my dad is going to come or not. Emmett still glares at you like he wants to murder you. My whole family is fucked up! I can't bring a baby into this!"

There were times I felt as though it was written in my DNA to be a monster. I constantly had to fight to suppress it, but for Bella, and for the little baby in her belly, I would work at it every moment of every day. I took a deep breath, knowing I needed to stay calm for her. I pulled strength from somewhere inside myself, even though just like her I was terrified and exhausted.

"It's a little late for that, Bella. I don't give a fuck if Emmett hates me or likes me, and as for your dad? He'll come around. And you know what, if he _doesn't?_ We'll still have our little girl. And no matter what, we'll have your mom, my mom, and Carlisle. It's going to be fine, okay?"

"Okay," she answered quietly. Until another contraction hit.

—LD—

Never in my whole life had I witnessed something like the birth of my daughter. I had never been more thankful that I decided to straighten up when I did. It was beautiful and overwhelming to watch Avalyn come into the world and take her first breath. I was truthful with Bella when I told her she was one of the strongest women I knew.

Bella was resting quietly while I sat holding Avalyn, taking in the way her lips pouted just like Bella's and the soft reddish-brown hair on her head. She was gorgeous, but terrifying just the same. I hated myself for it, but as I continued to look down at her, I became overwhelmed with feelings. All I wanted was to run from them, to drink, to be numb and feel nothing because I was _scared._ I didn't know how to handle everything I was feeling.I watched as her little arm stretched out and a yawn that seemed bigger than her took over her body. I knew having a drink wasn't an option. As scared as I was of the unknown, I was even more scared of ever hurting her; of turning into my father.

There was a soft knock at the door before Carlisle walked in. "I was just ending my shift and I thought I'd come up and see if you guys needed anything," he said quietly to not disturb either of the girls.

I gave him a small smile. "I think we're okay for now. Do you want to hold her?"

He grinned and quickly scooped her out of my arms. "She sure is beautiful. How are you handling all of this? It's a lot of big changes."

"Um, honestly?" I watched him sway side to side with my daughter in his arms.

"I always want your honesty, Edward."

"I was staring down at her face earlier. She's so tiny and beautiful, and overwhelming and scary; all I want is a drink. It's _so much."_

He ran his fingers over her tiny hand. "I know you know this already, Edward, but there might never be a time when _something_ doesn't give you the urge to drink. Years can pass and something will trigger it. You're just out of rehab, you _just_ became a father. It's what you do about those feelings, whether you act on them or not."

I closed my eyes, running my palm over my face. "So I'm not a terrible person?"

"You're anything but a terrible person," I heard Bella say.

Carlisle handed Avalyn back to me as she started to fuss. "Listen to her; she's a smart woman. I've got to get going, but your mother will be up here soon."

As Carlisle left the room, Avalyn's fussing turned into full-on screaming. Bella opened her arms. "She must be hungry." She winced in slight pain as our daughter latched on, but soon she relaxed.

"I'm sorry, Bella."

She looked up at me. "What? Why?"

"I was holding our daughter, but I wanted nothing more than to—"

"Did you drop her, run out the door and get drunk?"

I shook my head. "No, but—"

"It's _okay_ , Edward. It's not going to be the last time you feel that way, but Carlisle is right. It's how you respond to it."

I stared at her, wondering how after all the shit I put her through, she was still so confident in me.

I just hoped I continued to earn her confidence.


	18. Chapter 17

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black and Sukiethree for pre-reading!

—LD—

I watched, my eyes watery with tears, as my father cradled Avalyn in his arms, staring down at her face. "Daddy," I choked out.

"Shh, come here, Bella." He patted the seat on the couch next to him. "I'm sorry, Bells. I've been a real crappy dad these past few months. I just didn't know how to handle it. I never expected…"

"I know; I made a mistake."

He shook his head. "This little girl is no more a mistake than you or your brother. She's a miracle, and I'm sorry my head was up my ass."

By this point, my tears were flowing freely. My parents had obviously moved up their visit date when they knew I was in labor. I hadn't been sure if my dad was going to come because he hadn't said a word to me since finding out I was pregnant.

"She's beautiful. Are you doing okay? How's everything with Edward?"

I breathed in deeply, trying to find the words to describe everything. "I'm... okay. It's hard, though. So hard some days. She requires what feels like _all_ of my time, and I'm afraid if I don't have time to support _him_ ,he'll—"

"I'm going to cut you off right there, Bells. I've been a cop for years. I've seen plenty of alcoholics in my time. Is support important? Yes. But, when it comes down to it, whether you give him all your time or you can only give him part of it, it's up to him not to slip up."

I nodded as Avalyn started to fuss; I knew it was time for her to eat. "Thanks, Dad."

"I really am sorry, Bella."

I stood and scooped Avalyn from his arms. "You're here now. That's what matters."

—LD—

My parents left to go back to their hotel, but not before my mother told me that if I felt overwhelmed or needed help, to call and she'd come right back.

I was almost at that point, but I was stubborn and I needed to know I could do this on my own.

Avalyn just wouldn't stop crying, no matter what I did. I'd fed her; I'd checked her diaper. She had her pacifier, but she just _wouldn't stop_.

"Did you check her diaper? Is she wet?" Edward asked in frustration.

"Yes! You just saw me do it!" I snapped at him.

"I'm _trying_ hereas much as you are, Bella!"

"Oh, _are you_? Are you the one who gets up every time she cries? Are _you_ the one feeding her on demand constantly? How many diapers have you changed since she's been home? _Zero_!"

"How is any of that my fault? I _can't_ physically feed her! And you won't pump so I can! Any time she's wet or dirty, you scoop her up and just do it! You've given me no choice in any of it!" he yelled, which only seemed to make Avalyn cry harder.

"Great! Just great! Now there's _more_ for me to do!" I was sleep-deprived and cranky, and every little thing sent me over the edge.

"You know what? I'm not doing this." He turned and stormed out of the room. I heard the front door slam a moment later.

I willed myself not to cry as I sat down in the rocking chair, soothing her. "Shh, Mommy's got you."

—LD—

Sleep was a rare commodity these days, but despite my efforts, it just wouldn't come. I figured, or really, hoped, that Edward just needed to blow off some steam. Maybe he'd make a smart choice and go to Esme and Carlisle's house. But as the time crept closer to two in the morning, I started to have my doubts.

I was startled awake when I heard the keys in the door. I didn't remember falling asleep after Avalyn's last feeding, but my body must have just given in to exhaustion.

"Bella?" he called my name quietly. "What are you doing out here?"

"Waiting for you."

"You didn't have to." He sat beside me on the couch.

"I _did_ have to. I couldn't sleep. Where have you been?" I had a good idea where he'd been; he reeked of smoke.

I watched as he closed his eyes and laid his head back against the couch. "I went to a bar. I walked in and they didn't even ID me, not that it would have mattered."

"Did you—"

"I ordered a shot of Jack. I sat there and stared at it for about twenty minutes. I finally picked it up, and I don't know _how,_ but I put it back down. I called Carlisle and went and sat with him at the hospital for the rest of the night."

I let out a breath that I didn't even know I was holding. "Edward, I'm sorry."

"You've got nothing to be sorry about. Taking care of a baby is fucking _hard._ I _want_ to help; I'm _willing_ to help. You've just got to _let_ me help, Bella. No, I can't feed her like you do, but maybe you could pump so I could occasionally. I don't _want_ to change her diapers, but I will."

"And that's what I'm sorry about. I don't know what to do. I still have such a hard time trusting you. I know you've come so far, and I'm so proud of you, but it's still really new for both of us."

"Carlisle asked me something the day I said I wanted to go to rehab. He asked me if I loved you. I couldn't give him a straight answer, but I knew I felt _something_ for you _._ After tonight, I have no doubt. I love you, and I love our little girl, and I will continue to try and prove myself to you every day."

"Edward…" I hesitated. I knew I loved him. I'd loved him for a while, but I just couldn't get past all of our issues. Not yet, anyway.

"You don't have to say it back. When—or if—you're ready, you will."

I nodded in response.

"I'm sorry that I scared you tonight." He pressed a kiss to my forehead.

"I'm just happy you're okay."

It was a challenge, but when Avalyn woke up the next time, I stayed in bed while Edward went to check on her.

A few minutes later, he walked back in with her cradled to his chest. "She was a little wet, so I put a fresh diaper on her. I think she's hungry, though; she was doing that rooting thing, or whatever it's called. Do you want to feed her here, or..."

"Yeah, it would be nice to rest while she eats." I felt my eyes starting to droop.

Once I got her settled, Edward climbed back into the bed, his gaze occasionally flicking from where she was latched on and up to my face. "You're both so beautiful."

I gave him a sleepy smile. "Thank you for helping."

"I want to be a good dad, Bella. I, um, I've been thinking about something."

"What?" I murmured.

"I think I want to see my dad. I need some closure. I know it would be difficult right now, but, would you come with me?"

I stared at him for a moment, taking in how much he truly was maturing. "Just tell me when and we'll make it work."


	19. Chapter 18

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black and Sukiethree for pre-reading!

EPOV

—LD—

I never cared much for my birthday. When I was younger, there would be cake and a few presents, but not much more than that. I never had a birthday party with friends from school or a sleepover. As I got older, I realized it was because my father couldn't be trusted not to be drunk and go on a rampage.

So it was that fact that gave me the resolve that my daughter would have the best birthday parties a little girl could imagine. Ponies, face painting, princesses, anything that her heart desired; she'd have it. I vowed to myself, and to her, that no matter how much I struggled, no matter how many times I slipped up, her birthday would always be off-limits.

Which was why, six months after Avalyn was born, Bella and I made plans to fly out to Chicago to meet with my father on my twentieth birthday. It was already a day I had no expectations for, so at least he couldn't make it worse.

To say that he was surprised to hear from me, and especially that I was willing to meet with him finally, would be an understatement. In the very short nine years I'd known my father, I had never seen or heard him cry; that was until I told him that I agreed to see him.

—LD—

Bella sat down on the couch next to me. "I think we should bring Avalyn with us."

"I don't want to leave her, either, Bella, but I don't trust him. I don't trust that I might have happened to catch him on a good day. I know I'm being selfish, but I need you to come with me to see him."

"Okay, what if I could get Rose and Emmett to come with us? They could watch Avalyn for us while we're with your father."

I nodded. "Yeah, okay. That could work. You know Mom and Carlisle are going to be disappointed if they don't get to have her for the weekend, though."

"They could always have her for another weekend. I think we could use some alone time, eventually."

My eyes widened. "Are you saying—I mean, we haven't—"

She moved closer to me and grabbed my hand. "I've been thinking. I want to try. I know we spend nights at each other's houses, but that's usually for Avalyn. I want those nights to be for her _and_ for us. I want a relationship with you, Edward. I love you."

"You love me?" I whispered.

"I do." She climbed onto my lap, straddling me and wrapping her arms around my neck.

I placed my hands on either side of her face and brought her lips to mine, pressing a soft kiss to them; the first kiss we had shared in months.

" _Really?"_ She glared at me. "Really? That's all you've got?" She pressed her mouth roughly to mine, her fingers gripping tightly at the hair at the back of my neck. I moaned as I slipped my tongue past her lips, stroking it against hers softly as she ground herself against my lap. I felt myself grow impossibly harder as I lifted my hips to meet hers. She felt so fucking good, so warm, even through our layers of clothes. _Anything_ of hers felt better than my hand after all these months.

"You feel so good," I groaned.

She placed soft kisses along my jaw. "There's still a little time before—"

Right at that moment, Avalyn decided to fuss. " _Seriously?"_ I growled.

Bella dissolved into a fit of giggles. "I'm sorry. I got you all worked up and then she cockblocked us."

"How are you not frustrated?"

She wiggled her fingers at me. "I'll just take care of it later how I normally do."

My jaw dropped as she climbed the stairs, laughing the whole way.

—LD—

My birthday came quicker than it seemed possible. Before I knew it, Bella, Avalyn and I, along with Rose and Emmett, all boarded a plane to Chicago.

"Thanks again for doing this, Emmett." I clapped him on the back. Our relationship had grown greatly over the last few months, and I had learned that we actually had more in common than I initially thought.

Even though he was the son of a cop, when he'd went off to college, he'd gotten involved with a bad crowd. He'd spent a good portion of his time partying, getting high and not going to class. Which was also how he'd gotten his girlfriend at the time pregnant, while he was wasted and high. The worst part though, was when a _friend_ of his _accidentally_ had meth in Emmett's car. He'd been pulled over for speeding, and since his friend had seemed jumpy, they decided to search the car. He spent six months in jail for someone else's crime. There was no doubt that his dad could have pulled some strings somewhere and had his sentence lessened, but as hard as it was to leave his child in jail, he wanted him to learn his lesson. Which he definitely had.

"It's no problem; Kate was happy to have the extra time with Vicky this week." He shrugged. "How are you holding up?"

I lowered my voice and leaned across the aisle. "I'm really fucking nervous. I just don't know what to expect."

"We're all here with you, man. Especially that girl next to you." He nodded toward Bella. "She's crazy about you and that little girl. She's got your back, no matter what."

I glanced over at Bella, who was reclining in her seat with her eyes closed and Avalyn snuggled against her chest. "Yeah. I love her, too."

—LD—

By the time we landed in Chicago, everyone was ready for sleep, so we checked into the hotel and went our separate ways for the night.

No matter what I did, sleep just wouldn't come. I had no clue what kind of answers I would get from my father tomorrow, and it had me on edge. So when Avalyn stirred, her soft little fussing letting me know she was most likely wet and in search of a midnight snack, I scooped her up before Bella could even hear her.

I sat down on the couch in the living room of our suite, Avalyn cradled in my arms while she drank her bottle. "We don't often get this time together, do we?" I stroked at the soft hair on her head.

Her response was a milky smile from around the nipple of her bottle.

"Do you think I'm a good dad? I'm not so sure yet. I'm seeing my dad tomorrow, and he, well, _he_ wasn't a good dad at all. So I guess I'm at least doing better than him, huh?"

Avalyn's eyes were fluttering closed from time to time while I spoke quietly. "I still don't know how to handle all of these emotions. I'm working at it; I work at it every day, and sometimes it's _hard_. Really hard. It's difficult not to just take a drink and wipe it all away, but I don't want to be him. I don't want to hurt you or Mommy. You know that, don't you?"

"She knows," Bella said quietly as she sat down beside me. "She knows you'd never hurt her, Edward, and I've known for a while now that you'd never _intentionally_ hurt me. I love you, and everything is going to be okay tomorrow. I'll be right there with you. Come on, let's lay her down and we'll try to get some sleep."

I nodded. "I love you, too."

All I could do was hope that she was right, and that everything would be okay.


	20. Chapter 19

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black and Sukiethree for pre-reading!

EPOV

—LD—

I couldn't remember the last time I'd been this nervous. Even as I rode in the car to rehab, or watched my daughter come into the world, I hadn't felt like this. I just didn't know what to expect. I didn't know if I was wasting my time, or if he would even show up. I had no clue what questions I actually wanted to ask. I didn't know what answers I would get, or how I would feel when I got them.

—LD—

I ran my fingers through my hair as we stood in the elevator, trying my hardest not to pace around the small space. Bella reached out and grabbed my hand, trying to calm me as best she could.

"It's going to be okay; you can do this. I won't leave your side. I love you." She pressed a kiss to my cheek as the elevator let out a loud _ding_ and the doors slid opened.

I took a deep breath and nodded. "I love you, too," I said as we stepped out together and headed toward the hotel restaurant.

"Is he here yet?" Bella asked.

I answered with a nod, spotting my father at a table on the other side of the room. He looked the same, yet there was something different about him. That, or my memories of him from when I was young were fuzzy, which was also possible.

I squeezed Bella's hand tighter as we made our way over to his table. He stood from his seat when he noticed us approaching.

"Edward," he nearly whispered.

I eyed him carefully for a moment before turning to Bella. "Bella, this is my father, Edward Masen Sr. However, the senior doesn't really matter anymore, does it?"

"Edward," Bella murmured.

My father put his hand up to stop her. "It's fine, Bella, was it? I didn't expect this without some animosity on his end. It's not as if I don't deserve it. Let's all sit and order lunch."

—LD—

After we placed our order with the waiter—not that I was especially hungry—my father finally spoke up. "I was surprised that you even agreed to meet with me after I contacted you months ago."

I searched his face for a moment, trying to find any trace of the angry man I once knew, but I came up empty. "I needed answers now that I'm a father myself. I don't want to fuck up the way you did. I've already done enough of that."

I watched as his eyes widened. "You have a child?"

"A daughter. She's everything to me. She's one of the reasons I don't drink anymore, one of the reasons I went to rehab. Why wasn't I enough of a reason for _you_?" I pointed at myself.

"You... Oh, God, Edward. I didn't know—"

"Why? Why did you ruin my whole fucking life?" I was close to tears and regretted my decision to do this in a public place.

"I'm sorry. I wish there was more for me to say. I wish I could take it all back, or show you how much I _did_ love you and your mother; that I could have treated you both how you deserved. I let the alcohol win. I let it rule my life and my brain. _I'm sorry_." He looked so defeated in that moment.

"I wish that sorry was good enough. Look, I can't blame you completely, because I made my own decisions. I stupidly convinced myself that I was in control. But I started drinking when I was fifteen. _Fifteen_!I watched you beat the shit out of my mom and _nothing_ would erase the nightmares I had," I said in a strangled voice.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I caused you pain. I've been sober for about seven years now—"

I cut him off. "Good for you. I've been sober for about _nine months_ because I couldn't do to my little girl what you did to me." I scrubbed my hands over my face. "I can't do this. I can't sit here and have a meal with you like everything is fine. I'm not ready. I'm glad that you're sober, and maybe one day I'll feel differently, but I can't forgive you yet." I looked over at Bella, who had been silent the whole time, letting me say my piece. I gripped her hand as we stood silently and left the table.

—LD—

The door to our room had barely clicked before I broke down sobbing. Bella wrapped her arms around me as my body shook from my sobs. "He says he loved me, that he's sorry. How could he do it to me at all; why didn't he choose me?"

She ran her fingers through my hair slowly. "You had a funny way of showing your love, too."

"I'm not like him, Bella. _I'm not_!"I shouted.

"I know, baby. I'm not saying you are. I'm just saying you've both struggled. That maybe you can see how he loved you, even when he was at his worst. You loved me and your daughter when you were at your worst. You don't have to forgive him, you don't have to do anything you're not ready to, but maybe one day when you feel like you're more capable, we can try again."

"I'll never hurt you like he hurt my mother. I'd never lay a hand on you. I'd never do that to you or Avalyn."

"I know," she whispered, and pressed her lips softly against mine.

I gently grasped either side of her face with my hands, deepening the kiss. "I need you. I need to feel you, please," I murmured against her lips, leading us back toward the bed.

"Yes," she breathed out.

We stripped each other of our clothes slowly, my gaze traveling down her body. Her breasts were fuller than the last time I saw her naked, her hips were slightly wider, and there were silver lines on her belly. All of it was evidence that she'd carried our child. She was more beautiful to me than she was before.

She squirmed slightly under my intense stare. "I know I'm not the same as I was before—"

"You're right; you're even more beautiful. You brought our baby into this world. You're gorgeous."

I watched as her blush spread from her cheeks down to her chest. I ran my hands up her sides, cupping her breasts and running my thumbs over her tight nipples. She moaned softly as I leaned down, wrapping my lips around one.

"Please, Edward."

"Fuck, do you have a condom? I didn't plan on—"

"I'm on birth control now. Please. I need to feel you, too."

I crashed my mouth against hers as I slid into her wet heat. I groaned, forgetting how good she always felt around me. "You're perfect. You feel amazing."

She ran her hands over my shoulders and down my back. "I love you."

"Oh, God, I love you, too. Always," I groaned as I slipped in and out of her slowly.

"Faster, Edward, _please_ ," she begged, and I picked my pace up slightly, not wanting this to end too soon. Her breath started to come in short, quick gasps, and I knew she was close. I slid my hand between us, circling her clit, sending her over the edge, her walls clamping down on me as she let out a loud moan, her back arching.

Watching and feeling her fall apart around me was all it took to finish me off. I moaned her name loudly as I spilled deep inside her.

I fell to the side of her, wrapping my arms around her tightly. "Thank you. Thank you for coming with me, thank you for forgiving me, and thank you for loving me."

"Always," she repeated my word from earlier, and I knew she truly meant it.

—LD—

 **A/N: Hi friends! So, I just wanted to let you know, that the next chapter (Chapter 20) will be the final one of this story.**


	21. Chapter 20

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black and Sukiethree for pre-reading!

EPOV

—LD—

It was five years ago that I walked into that restaurant with Bella beside me and sat down in front of my father for the first time in over a decade.

I turned twenty-five today, and once again I would be seeing my father, but we were on different terms than we were then. We weren't necessarily close, but we were working on it. He wanted to be part of my life, of my child's life, and I decided I wanted to give him that opportunity. I knew firsthand how hard it was to start over. Besides, my mother had fallen in love with him in the beginning for some reason, and I wanted to know what she'd seen in him. I wanted to know who he was as a person when he wasn't drinking.

My first year of sobriety and parenthood combined had been far from easy, and I'd slipped up more than once.

Bella went back to work full time, and Avalyn was in daycare so that I could have peace and quiet to work on my different business ventures. The weight of everything I'd gone through, from the rocky relationship with my mother, to the anger at my father, all while trying to be _perfect_ and never fail, crushed me.

Whether it was actually having a drink or something as simple as walking into a liquor store, I was honest with Bella. Each time would mean we started over again. We went to therapy on a weekly basis, I joined Alcoholics Anonymous, and eventually, I began to understand how to cope with the world around me.

"Happy birthday, Edward." I felt Bella kiss my forehead. "I know you're awake, so you can stop faking it."

I groaned, stretching my arms above my head. "But it's my birthday, doll. Don't I get to sleep in?"

"Sorry, you have to pick your dad up at the airport in a couple of hours, and you know how traffic is."

I ran my hand over her swollen belly and was met with a swift kick. "Can't we just send a car? She doesn't want me to leave either."

Bella was pregnant with our second little girl, but this time was much different. I was present for the entire thing, which had been very much planned. I got to experience everything I'd missed the first time around.

Bella rolled her eyes and laughed. "No, that was her trying to kick you out of bed so that Mommy can have the whole thing."

I smirked at her as I swung my legs over the side. "Fine, get some rest, Mommy. I'll take Ava with me to the airport."

"Edward, I was just teasing. I'm not—"

"Bella, you're nine months pregnant. Today is just another day, and you need the rest. We'll be back in a couple of hours, okay?" I turned around and chuckled when I saw she was already fast asleep.

—LD—

"What am I supposed to call him, Daddy? I already have a papa and a grandpa." For as much energy as Avalyn had, she had just as much anxiety over meeting new people.

I glanced back at her through the rear-view mirror. "Well, you could call him Pop, or Gramps, I guess. Do you like either of those?" I watched for a moment as she formed the words silently with her mouth, trying them out.

"Um, I think I like Pop the best."

I held in my laughter as much as I could. "Great. I bet he'll really like that one." Bringing her had been the best decision; she was the perfect distraction.

—LD—

Dad hugged me tightly. "Edward, it's really good to see you. And _you!"_ He grinned down at Avalyn. "It's so good to finally meet you! You're much bigger than in the pictures I've seen." He bent down with his arms open to her.

I'd kept our growing relationship between me and Bella. He and I spoke on the phone weekly, but until this moment, we'd yet to go beyond that. I didn't want to introduce my daughter to him via Skype for fear that she'd get attached. If I ended up not being able to continue my relationship with him, I didn't want her to get hurt in the process.

"That's because I just turned six, Pop!" she announced proudly, all of her previous anxiety gone as she wrapped her little arms around his neck. I wasn't sure if my father's grin could get much bigger.

"That definitely explains it," he said as he placed a kiss to her hair. "She's beautiful, Edward," he said quietly to me, his voice catching slightly.

"Wait until you see her mother."

"I remember Bella. She was gorgeous as well."

"She's even better now."

—LD—

" _Surprise!"_ everyone yelled as I walked through the door with my dad and daughter. I looked around, noticing that all of our friends and family were standing in our living room.

"What did you do?" I asked Bella as she walked toward me, giving me a quick kiss on the lips.

"I couldn't exactly let your twenty-fifth birthday pass without celebrating." She smiled at me before looking over at my dad. "I'm really glad you could make it, Ed."

He smiled widely as he pulled her in for a quick hug. "Look at you! Edward never told me you were expecting again!"

I shrugged. "Once we made plans for you to visit, I thought it would be a nice surprise."

"It's the best." It seemed that nothing could wipe the grin off of his face.

My mother approached me, glancing at my father. She knew he was visiting, but I still imagined that knowing and being in the same room were two very different things. She kissed my cheek. "Happy Birthday, sweetheart. Hello, Ed." She nodded at him.

"Esme, you look wonderful." He smiled softly.

Carlisle came up, wrapping an arm around my mother's shoulder. "This is my husband, Carlisle."

Dad reached out his hand. "I've always wanted to thank you, Carlisle. For being what I couldn't."

"I'd do it all again in a heartbeat." There was no hesitation to Carlisle's answer as he shook Dad's hand. As difficult as my relationship with Carlisle had been, he truly was the only father I ever really knew. I was thankful for him, too.

—LD—

Bella climbed into bed next to me. "Today went well, don't you think? Alice looks like she's ready to pop!"

I raised my eyebrows at her. "You're one to talk." I gestured at her belly. "Today was great, though. I never expected it. Thank you, Bella."

"Remember the first time we met? I really thought you were just some cocky asshole, but for some stupid reason, I couldn't stay away from you. You took me to a strip club on our first date!" She laughed.

"Hey, it was a classy strip club."

She scoffed. "There's no such thing as a classy—oh!" she gasped.

"Bella?"

She looked at me with wide eyes. "Um, my water just broke."

I panicked. "Are you sure? Maybe you just peed the bed?"

"Yes, I'm sure! I'd know if I peed myself," she growled at me.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. We'd done this before. Everything was going to be fine.

—LD—

I held our new daughter in my arms, rocking her back and forth slowly. "Thank you, Bella."

Her eyes were shut; she was exhausted. Alyssa's delivery had been longer and a bit tougher than Avalyn's. "For what?" she mumbled.

I chuckled quietly; she was definitely out of it. "For both of our little girls, for loving me, and for helping me see what a disaster my life would have become without you."

I looked over at her and knew she was fast asleep by that point. I'd tell her again later after everyone had visited and it was just us again.

I'd make sure she knew that she was everything to me, that she'd helped me save my own life, and given me more than I could ever have imagined.

—LD—

 **A/N: Well, we've reached our ending. I hope you've all enjoyed this story, and that I did the situation and the struggles of this disease justice. Stay tuned for what I have coming up next!**

 **For updates, teasers, and pictures that go along with some chapters, you can join my Facebook group, 'Stories by MissLiss15'. The link to it is on my FFN profile.**


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